The Madness of Suzumiya Haruhi
by Queen Sydon
Summary: Has everyone gone crazy? My life isn't some stupid harem drama, y'know! And what's up with Nagato acting like a normal person? And did Koizumi just try to punch me? Dammit Haruhi! What the hell have you done!
1. Prologue

_AN: Man have I fallen head over heels for this series. Naturally, the writer in me wanted to contribute something to this wonderful show. (Both the Novels and Anime.) So here's my take on an SOS Brigade Adventure. _

_Disclaimer: The Suzumiya Haruhi series of novels and anime are the creations and property of Tanigawa Nagaru. Excellent Work, man!_

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The Madness of Suzumiya Haruhi

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Prologue

I'd been with the SOS Brigade for a little over half a year so far, and in that short space of time I've had more strange and unexplainable events occur in my life than probably anyone else in the world. You might think, 'man, I envy this guy, being able to experience such amazing things on a daily basis'. Well, if that's your train of thought, then you're probably more insane than Haruhi is. If you'd been in my shoes since the start of the SOS Brigade, then you would clearly see why I'm not a guy you should be envious of. Nearly everyone at North High seems to have made up their mind as such; as one would react when a huge locomotive is speeding right towards you. Yes, they all jumped well clear and stayed that way.

I've asked myself a question since the very beginning, and that was 'How'd I go from a simple side character to the protagonist of such a ridiculous story?' Well that's another story all together, and one that I can't be bothered reciting now, for I seriously feel I'd suffer a nervous breakdown if I tried to remember everything all at once. As such, I'd always deal with crazy events and the like by just not pondering over it too much. I've gotten better and better at taking the insanity that Haruhi brought in stride. It's actually helped me stay alive in a few situations.

A thing that always helped me keep my head, was that no matter how utterly crazy and downright stupid things became, there had always been some form of explanation for it all. After every such event, Nagato would usually explain things in a way that at least made it all make some form of sense. Koizumi was a degree less useful in this regard, as his overly long self-indulgent explanations on the machinations of Haruhi's power were so ambiguous and full of holes that I still ponder why I even listen to him in the first place. Plus, that fake smile he always wears just pisses me off. How am I supposed to take you seriously if you look like everything you say is a stupid joke?

And then there's Asahina-san. Any time I asked her to explain things, she'd just pull one of those cute faces of hers and whisper 'Classified Information.' Ack, it was criminal whenever she did that. It made it impossible to try and coax anything from her.

Anyway, enough of my blabbing. My point of all this is that every one of the disasters that Haruhi caused had some explanation or meaning behind it. A reason that it happened.

But not like that day.

Heh, I know right? That's probably the least imaginative way to start the story, huh? I don't think 'It started like any normal day' or 'It was a dark and stormy night' would fare any better in this case. Something needs to start this thing, or this prologue will go on forever.

Ah, whatever. It was a hot summers day…


	2. My Right Arm

I trudged my way up the same hill I'd taken hundreds of times to get to school. Normally it was like a mini-marathon, which made PE a useless addition at school.

But when it was this hot it became a test of endurance. I didn't even know how far I'd gotten, as the merciless sun blinded me whenever I tried to even squint. It didn't help that my clothes were stuck to me like wet pieces of paper, or that my hair was matted to my forehead.

Still, I soldiered on, my jacket hanging loosely over my left shoulder. It was when I found myself underneath some shade that I was able to actually see how far I was from school. I let out a sigh of relief as I realized that North High was right around the next corner.

Something else caught my eye. Taniguchi was walking ahead of me by a few paces. He was walking pretty fast and didn't seem to mind the heat at all, as he was still wearing his school jacket.

Despite my lack of energy on having dragged myself up the hill in this hellish weather, I jogged forward a bit and caught up to him.

'Yo, Taniguchi.' I said simply, giving him a light slap on the shoulder.

Taniguchi turned his head to see me walking in stride with him. He eyed me strangely, looking me up and down seriously, before he finally spoke.

'Hey, Kyon.' He replied, much more sternly than I thought possible. Normally he'd greet me with his typical enthusiasm and ignorance. But I felt something was off immediately.

'Say, Taniguchi, did you end up going to the cinema with your girlfriend? You haven't stopped bragging about her since you two started dating.' I asked out of the blue.

'Yeah.' Taniguchi replied oddly. That was it. Why didn't he start raving about the subject as usual? You couldn't shut the guy up about his supposed "victories" over the fairer sex.

'Ok, then.' I said uncomfortably. We reached the school without another word between us and were already in the classroom, taking our seats silently.

What was with the guy? Was he sick again? Maybe his girlfriend had dumped him over the weekend and he was being somber about it. A rare moment of seriousness for him, I guess. Well, I wasn't the type to pry into such matters so I let him be for now. But I would ask him about it later.

As the rest of the class piled in, looking just as worn out by the heat as I was, I finally spotted Haruhi walking in through the door. She looked the same as always, with that little scowl on her face and a hand on her hip. She saw me a second later and I instantly noticed a strange gleam in her eye. Her scowl disappeared as she crossed the room in great strides and approached me quickly, now smiling mischievously.

I frowned a little. Great, what did she want now? Couldn't her antics wait until after school? At least in the clubroom I couldn't be stared at by my classmates. It was bad enough that people thought I was crazy for involving myself in Haruhi's inexplicable activities.

'This heat is terrible! Why didn't I wear my PE clothes like last time?' she started. No "hello" or "good morning" from her, typical. 'At least this skirt breathes my legs properly. I think you should try wearing a girl's uniform, then maybe you'll stop complaining about how hot it is these days?'

Weren't you the one just complaining about it?! And don't sound so serious!

'Hell no.' I replied simply as she took her seat behind me. 'As if people didn't think I was insane enough.'

Haruhi huffed and starting rummaging about in her bag. I turned away from her, waiting for Okabe-sensei to arrive. I cursed the school's lack of air-conditioning once again, and wondered why it hadn't magically been installed in the school. Haruhi whined about it all the time. Maybe I should talk to her about how nice it would be to have the whole school air-conditioned?

'Hey, Haruhi…' I started.

'Hm?' she muttered, not even looking up at me.

I stopped myself for a second. Wouldn't it be too suspicious if it were to actually work? Knowing Haruhi, she'd quickly catch on if the school suddenly had full air-conditioning right after I asked her about it. Or would she even notice?

No, I shouldn't mess with things any more than I should. Who knows what could happen? I quickly dropped the subject.

'Nevermind.' I sighed and turned around again.

Haruhi muttered something about wasting time and ignored me.

Okabe-sensei arrived a little while later, and the day began.

When lunch break arrived a few hours later, Haruhi tugged the collar of my jacket as I was getting up to leave for the cafeteria. Naturally, I fell back onto my chair and turned to her, frowning.

'"Hey, Kyon. Wait up." Maybe you should try it one time?' I said angrily. Haruhi just propped her chin on her hand and smiled. Not the good kind of smile, mind you. Did Haruhi even _have _a good smile?

'Kyon, let's arm wrestle.' She asked. How lame. Why stop me for that? And she hasn't let go of my collar yet.

'Let go, I've gotta eat something before break is over.'

Haruhi still smiled

'Don't waste time with that. Come on, if you win, then everything's on me for a year!'

That stopped me. It would be my one triumph over her. But what were my chances of even winning? Who knows how much strength she had in those arms? I knew firsthand how much energy the girl had. I hated to think about it, but being the centre of the universe had to be some sort of advantage.

I sighed again. Might as well get it over with. I always had to pay for everything on Haruhi's trips anyway, so losing wouldn't change anything.

'Fine. Let's just do it.'

Haruhi's eyes glinted evilly. She then planted her elbow on the table and offered her hand. I turned my chair to face her and did the same, locking my hand in hers. I felt scared all of a sudden, maybe her desire to win was so great that she'd end up ripping off my arm?

I started to sweat, If I hadn't been already.

She continued to smile, now baring her teeth. Haruhi was determined all right. Though her hand was much smaller than mine, I could feel her energy brimming through her fingertips.

'Ready, Kyon?' She asked. Or taunted more like it.

'Yeah, sure.'

So long, arm. I cursed not learning to use my left better. As if the mid-term exam wasn't going to be impossible enough.

'GO!' she yelled suddenly and in the space of half a second, I was an inch away from defeat.

I grimaced and fought back, trying my hardest to lift my hand away from the desk. I knew Haruhi was strong, but this was the first time I had actually tested her power.

Yeah, she was strong. I could barely keep my hand from slamming onto the wood of the desk. I strained my muscles and grit my teeth, if I was to lose then so be it, but I wasn't going to let her humiliate me more than she already has.

Haruhi hadn't even blinked yet. She still had that same smirk on her bright, energetic face. Her body didn't even budge, as opposed to mine shaking all over with the exertion.

Note to self. Don't arm wrestle with a god. Losing is a possibility.

'Ack!' I growled, frustrated. I'd been glaring at those unflinching eyes since the start of the stupid game, so I tried to look away and feign disinterest in the competition. I then realized that everyone in the class was crowded around us, yelling support for both of Haruhi and I.

Don't make this worse! Go eat your lunch or something! A stupid arm wrestle can't be this interesting to watch!

I turned my glare towards Haruhi again, and was shocked to see a few beads of sweat rolling off her brow. She was still smirking, but her lips were shaky, devoid of their total confidence.

Our hands had gotten at odds somehow, fighting for supremacy over the other. I tried to picture Haruhi paying for every meal the SOS Brigade would have in the future. I'd make sure to go on a food binge if that ever happened. Sweet, sweet payback, Haruhi.

I pushed myself harder, finally starting to overpower her. Her pompous confidence was gone now, replaced by sheer physical will.

Our faces drew closer to each other as it intensified. I didn't feel a thing at staring at her from so close, and I'm sure she must have felt the same. I just wanted to crush her, and finally show Haruhi that I wasn't a slave to be pushed around for menial labor.

My hand almost had her pinned, her eyes wideneding in astonishment. I could tell exactly what she was thinking. How could this idiot beat me? ME? I'm the Brigade Commander!

Time for my coup d'état, Commander.

I was grinning now, the same way she'd been at the beginning.

Then something happened. Something I'd never expected. Haruhi bent forward and kissed me on the cheek.

My concentration was shattered, and that was all she needed. With the strength of a tiger, she slammed my hand down on the table.

'Yeah!' she bolted up from seat and pumped a fist in the air, cheering jubilantly.

Damn it! That sneaky little cheat!

'Haruhi! The hell was that? I won't let that count!' I protested. I ignored my numb hand for the moment.

As a few girls around her clapped cheerfully, she simply stuck her tongue out at me, winking. She then promptly left the room, followed by a few awestruck students to the door.

I sighed once again. Why did I even bother thinking that I could beat her? At least my arm was feeling better.

A few students gave their condolences around me. Maybe they couldn't believe I had the guts to take her on in such a forward way.

'Urrgh.' I groaned and rested my head on the table in dejection. I should just go to the cafeteria and forget about it. At least I put up a fight.

And my arm, it was still tingling. Not that Haruhi had broken anything, but…

I clenched my hand.

What the heck was this? Why was my arm feeling so…normal? I'd gone all out in trying to beat Haruhi, should I still have full use of it?

…Whatever. What's the point? I'm just going to forget about it, and hope Haruhi doesn't gloat about it later.

Finally the end of the school day arrived. The sky had become a little cloudy so the heat had dropped considerably, but not far enough to warrant my sweater. I felt down, but thinking about Asahina-san's tea picked my spirits up a little. I guess I'll head to the clubroom and pray that she'd be there with that angelic smile. Ahh, Asahina-san, you sure know how to cheer me up. Without you, I'd have long since disbanded myself from the SOS Brigade.

Keeping the image of Asahina-san wearing that cute maid outfit as always, I found myself already in front of the SOS clubroom.

I knocked first, lest she was changing again. I made a mental note to have a quick look see through the MIKURU folder in the computer. Just to make sure it was still there, yeah.

'Come in!'

A voice called. My hand froze on the door knob. Who had that been? Not Asahina-san's shy little near-whisper, nor Haruhi's roaring tone.

I entered the clubroom to see Nagato Yuki at the other end, sitting on a chair as per normal, an open hardback book on her lap. Had it been her? Why was she looking at me like that?

Indeed, Nagato was staring at me as I entered the clubroom. Her look was…weird. Not Nagato weird but…_weird._

'Hey, Nagato.' I greeted quickly, nodding my head.

Nagato's pale porcelain face gave a little smile.

'Yo.'

She went back to reading her book.

I stood there, dumbstruck.

Yo?

_YO?_

And she smiled? That was as strange as Asahina-san entering a kick-boxing tournament on her own will.

'You Ok?' I asked, taking a seat at the table.

Nagato looked up from her book again. Her tiny lips pouted a little as she fixed me with a coy gaze.

'I'm feeling pretty good. You?' She replied, blinking a few times.

Something was wrong with Nagato. Why was she acting…normal? By normal I mean like what any other girl in this school would act like. Besides Haruhi of course.

'Nagato, are you sure you're feeling Ok?' I asked again, concerned.

She arched an eyebrow and tilted her head a bit. My heart beat a little faster at seeing her like that. But that wasn't her, and I knew it. The amount of emotion she had shown me in the last minute was more than she had divulged since I first met her.

'I'm…fine.' Nagato giggled briefly, looking at me as if I'd just cracked a joke. 'Are you allright?'

I guessed I must've looked pretty idiotic at that point, as Nagato stood from her chair and approached me, looking worried.

'Kyon-kun. You look like you can't breathe.' She said, half-jokingly, her eyes widening slightly.

Then before I could get any more confused, the door to the clubroom was bashed open, hitting the adjacent wall loud enough to make me jump.

My first thought was of Haruhi, barging in to make another ludicrous announcement but I was completely taken aback when I saw Koizumi standing in the doorway, glaring at me.

Koizumi, glaring?

Nagato, smiling?

Had the world been switched again?

'You SONOFABITCH!' Koizumi yelled across the room, pointing a shaking finger at me. His usual carefree smile had taken a vacation. His delicate features were now contorted in obvious rage. Seeing Koizumi like this was more shocking than Nagato giggling…almost.

I was still at a loss for words. Turning my gaze away from the fuming Koizumi, I looked over to Nagato. She looked scared, her fearful eyes darting back and forth between Koizumi and I, her hands clutching her skirt nervously.

'Koizumi, what-'

That was all I could blurt out before I saw his fist hurtling towards my face.

I squinted my eyes shut, expecting an explosive pain on the bridge of my nose. Instead, I felt my body move on its own; my own hand swiping the attack away, my other hand taking hold of Koizumi's arm.

I opened my eyes to see Koizumi flying across the room before spectacularly flipping in the air and slamming into a bookcase painfully, blasting reading material in every direction as the bookcase itself toppled over and crashed to the floor.

Nagato yelped as an encyclopedia flew over head, ducking just in time.

Just as I was about to start to comprehend what had just transpired, Haruhi came bolting in through the open clubroom door, completely ignoring the groaning form of Koizumi and the fallen bookcase on the floor beside her.

'Hey, Kyon!' Haruhi addressed me, standing a little too close. She looked over the moon about something. Maybe how much money I owed her for trashing the bookcase? As if she didn't have enough leeway with me already…

'I want you to be my boyfriend!' She exclaimed happily.

Nagato gave a minute gasp from behind me. Koizumi didn't say anything.

'What…?' Was all I could manage.

Haruhi's smile just grew wider. I knew her enough to know when she was serious.

'So it's settled, then!'

I didn't say anything yet!

'You better not cheat on me, Kyon! Or I'll execute you myself!'

Koizumi let out a painful cough from his resting place atop the fallen bookcase. I turned to Nagato instinctively. She gazed at me silently, doing a pretty good impression of the real Nagato. She then looked away elsewhere, giving me the cold shoulder.

What was going on?

'Where's Mikuru? Who else is going to clean up this mess but the SOS Brigade's official mascot maid?'

I lowered my head and heaved yet another tremendous sigh.

I just wanted some tea.

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_AN: Review please! Twenty seconds, tops. It means a huge deal to me!_


	3. My life isn't a Crazy Anime Show!

_Massive thanks to the first reviewers!_

taoueriT, WhatDoYouMeanI'mDrunk, Jazzy B Real and Earl Chapwin.

Enjoy!

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The Madness of Suzumiya Haruhi

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_My life isn't a crazy anime show!_

After the initial mayhem that had been the start of another SOS Brigade meeting, things started to cool down a bit. Koizumi was seated opposite myself at the table, while Nagato had resumed her reading but couldn't help darting her eyes towards me every few seconds. She'd been reading the same page for twenty minutes so far. Koizumi glared across the table at me, frowning darkly. His uniform was a bit tussled from his unexpected flight earlier, and I guessed he might have been hurt to some degree. I wondered if I should ask him if he was allright.

'Koizumi-'

'Enough of your vile words, Kyon-kun. I know what has transpired her thus far.' He cut me off, seething.

I tried not to roll my eyes. Jeez, even when trying to insult me, he had to be all poetic about it.

'No I don't have a clue of "what has transpired here."' I started firmly, returning his glare. 'Why did you attack me earlier?'

Koizumi's eye twitched. 'Is that question a trick? Do you really not know?'

'No, I don't!' I raised my voice a bit. Haruhi had left a little while ago to find Asahina-san. I knew enough about stupid plot devices to guess that something must have changed about her as well. She could have become violent, or temperamental, or something else entirely unlike her. If Asahina-san had changed for the worse, then I probably wouldn't hesitate to try and fly out of the clubroom window now.

'You and Suzumiya-san.' Koizumi spat. I noticed his anger shifting a little towards sadness as he spoke. 'You did not even have to try and win her affections. I have known her for far longer than yourself, and had fallen for her unique charms since the beginning.'

Damn it, Koizumi! Don't turn this into some stupid teen drama! I didn't even want to be Suzumiya's boyfriend anyway.

Right?

'Listen, Koizumi.' I interrupted his nostalgic talk. 'I didn't know you felt that way about Haruhi. But trust me, I don't want this.'

'Then tell Suzumiya-san that the relationship is off.' Koizumi whined like a spoilt child.

It wasn't going to be that simple. You of all people should know that. As soon as I start to try and break it off, I might spontaneously explode on the spot.

'Have you told Haruhi about your feelings, Koizumi?' I asked seriously.

He looked a little surprised at the question, and his face was quickly beset by that same miserable look from before.

'I had, during break period. I confessed myself to her in the cafeteria, but she suddenly found something to be highly amusing, as if I had been telling a joke.'

Koizumi. For the first time, I actually feel bad for you. Confessing your love to Haruhi only to have her laugh in your face? Then, she suddenly asks me to be her boyfriend? Now I'm not surprised why you tried to hit me before.

'Look, Koizumi. I never intended for any of this happen, Ok? You've gotta understand.'

He looked at me coldly for a moment, then turned away.

'I understand.'

He didn't understand.

I sighed and gave up on him for now. For some reason, I felt that if he tried to jump me again, I could easily handle him.

After my fruitless attempts at negotiation with Koizumi, I turned to Nagato, and was surprised to see her standing right next to me, gazing at my right arm with more than a little keen interest.

'Your arm…' Nagato whispered barely loud enough for me to hear. 'I'm sensing massive fluctuations in data moving from your arm to the rest of your system.'

I breathed a sigh of relief. I had thought that Nagato had lost her powers again. But what was she talking about?

'My arm…what's wrong with it, Nagato-san?' I asked.

She wrapped her tiny hands around my wrist and lifted my arm close to her face, gazing at it like a ronin inspecting a marvelous new katana.

'There's nothing "wrong" with it, as far as I can see.' She wrinkled her nose a bit, seemingly concentrating. It was an adorable gesture, but I quickly shrugged it off. This could be serious.

'For what I can see…' Nagato continued, prying her fingers gently into my arm muscles. Hey that tickles! 'Your total capacity for unarmed combat has increased a million-fold.'

Huh? I quickly recalled the little scuffle with Koizumi. I hadn't even tried to blast him across the room. I hadn't thought that it'd been a lucky shot at the time, but I guess this explained it.

'Really?' I replied dumbly, raising my right arm at the window, half-expecting some sort of holy light to shine on it.

'Yes.' She breathed, her tone anxious. Something else was there though, and I barely picked it up.

Nagato Yuki was impressed.

I saw Koizumi listening intently to our conversation from his seat. Maybe he was having second thoughts about attacking me.

The door to the clubroom slammed open again, making everyone jump. Haruhi waltzed in, looking incredibly pleased with herself. In tow with her was the whimpering form of Asahina Mikuru, being dragged along by her hand as always.

'I found her!' She exclaimed brightly.

Haruhi started yelling orders about, but I didn't pay any attention. I could only stare at Asahina-san carefully. She was surveying the destroyed surroundings with a look of sheer terror on her face. Her hand clutched her sternum tightly as she trembled like a wet kitten.

Asahina caught me staring, and returned a shaking sweet smile. She looked genuinely happy to see me, but more importantly…

She looked completely normal.

I didn't realize that Haruhi was addressing me, and when her scowling face suddenly blocked the heavenly figure of Asahina-san, I could only scream briefly and fight to keep myself from falling to the floor.

'Kyon, were you paying attention?!' She scolded.

'No I wasn't.'

'Good, now help Mikuru clean up this mess!'

Did you even hear what I said?!

As I groaned and was about to comply, Haruhi started her usual routine of changing Asahina into her maid costume.

I didn't even realize what had happened before I was left waiting outside the door to the SOS clubroom, hearing Asahina-san's cries of "Kyaa!" and "Eh, e-h?!"

As much as I disapproved of this barbaric practice, it relieved me a great deal to the point of almost being fooled that it was a normal SOS Brigade meeting. Koizumi was the one to remind me of this fact, as when him and I dashed out of the clubroom, he pointed a menacing finger at me.

'Kyon-kun, you may have won this round…' He began, trying to sound dramatic.

Please, don't talk like that. The last thing I want is for this to turn into some crazy anime show!

'But next time, you will not be so lucky.' Koizumi finished with another glare, before turning on his heel and walking off elsewhere.

Had Koizumi threatened me? He reminded me of a Super Sentai villain with such cheesy bad guy lines. Man, did I miss the real Koizumi.

'Kyon-kun.' I heard a voice directly behind me, and whirled around at speed. It was Nagato, staring at the floor sheepishly. Why had she left the clubroom as well? And why did she look so depressed?

'Nagato-san, are you feeling, Ok?' I asked the same question for the second time today. And I thought Koizumi's material was unimaginative.

'Kyon…kun.' She whispered again, her tone smooth as silk. 'I…'

'Yes?' I asked automatically. I got a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Where had I witnessed this scene before?

Nagato looked up at me shyly, making eye-contact for a millisecond, before pretending to see something incredibly interesting on her feet. She was blushing uncontrollably too.

"Kyon-kun, I-I wish you all the best with Suzumiya-san!' She blurted, smiling at me with her eyes closed. I could still see the tears though.

Did she…like me too?

Truth be told, it made me feel terrible. What was I supposed to say now? Being a part of the SOS Brigade was hard. But being the centre of some childish harem drama would make my life impossible. Does this kind of thing even happen in real life?!

'Nagato-san, uhh, thanks.'

She wiped away her tears, sniffing a little.

I changed the subject. As cold as it may seem, I really didn't know what else to do but play dumb for the time being.

'Nagato, have you noticed any change to our world? Any flux of data or something like that?'

She blinked at the question. Her blushing receding somewhat.

'Well, nothing has been added or changed, except your arm, really. Hang on, I'll run a diagnostic.'

'Uhh, sure-'

'Diagnostic complete.' She said almost instantly. 'It seems like emotional restriction data has been removed from the system.'

I raised an eyebrow. Emotional restrictment?

'What? You mean, people will act the way they truly feel or something?'

'Yes.' She answered with a quick nod of her head.

This is ridiculous. Then why didn't I feel any different? Wait, I didn't even have to think about it. I always acted the way I felt.

'Did Haruhi have something to do with it?' I asked worriedly.

Nagato propped a finger on her lips, gathering her thoughts. Stop doing those things, please. Haruhi said she'd execute me.

Then, as if coming to a sudden realization, Nagato blinked hard, shaking her head fervently.

'It can't be…' She breathed. 'The folly is my own.'

That was hard to believe. Nagato making a mistake?

'What did you do?' I enquired as politely as possible.

Nagato looked up at me sheepishly.

'I'm sorry, I was running a major data defragmentation, to preserve everything we've encountered so far into a suitable backup file. I guess I must have missed it.'

She bit her lower lip and rubbed the back of her head nervously, looking ashamed with herself. Ooh boy.

'So…can you fix it?' I asked the obvious question.

Nagato averted her gaze.

'I…don't know. I'll have to look into it, but I don't know how long it will take…'

'I see.' I sighed, feeling my shoulders slump.

Once again, the clubroom door swung open. Nagato emitted a little shriek.

'Get in here!' She ordered happily, but frowned a little when she saw only Nagato and myself. 'Where'd Koizumi go? Ah, nevermind.'

She took hold of my tie and literally threw me into the room. I thought I was going to trip and fall spectacularly, but my feet righted themselves automatically and sat me down on the same chair as before; all in one fluid movement.

I pulled a fast one and posed from the seat, resting my head on my arm lazily.

'Um, I'll make some tea.' Asahina-san announced timidly, now donned in that Maid outfit. I accurately guessed that it was the only one she actually liked to wear. She started to hum a random tune merrily as she brewed the tea leaves.

'Kyon! Don't worry about cleaning anything up for now!' Haruhi yelled out of the blue.

I just shrugged. Maybe I should do it anyway to save Asahina-san the trouble. As I pondered this, Nagato took the seat at the table that Koizumi had previously occupied.

'Ok everyone, listen up!' Haruhi started, now behind her Commander's desk. 'Tomorrow! We'll all go on a date with our respective boyfriends!'

I realized Haruhi was addressing Asahina and Nagato.

'So, Kyon! You'll be with me, of course.' She stated matter-of-factly. Asahina dropped one of the tea cups she had been carrying, spilling everything onto Nagato's head.

'Ow! Hot!' Nagato yelped, waving her hands around. Asahina-san quickly dabbed Nagato's head with a large napkin, apologizing profusely.

Haruhi somehow missed the commotion and continued. 'We'll meet at the train station at 4:30, and make sure to bring your boyfriends! Anyone without a partner will be forced to pair up with someone else!'

So if Nagato and Asahina-san showed up alone...

…Don't put such thoughts on my mind, Haruhi.

'It will be a dangerous and romantic endeavor in town! Everyone knows that the best way to attract strange and incredible things is to go on a date!'

What the hell are you basing this on?

'So don't be late!' She finished.

I glanced at Asahina-san quickly. She wasn't looking at me. Or rather, she seemed to be avoiding eye-contact; busying herself in making the tea, her sweet humming absent. Damn, did that hurt.

I seriously started considering breaking it off with Haruhi right there in front of everyone (minus Koizumi), but when I looked over to her, she was already staring at me. Haruhi suddenly looked like an innocent high school girl with that little smile on her lips. Her eyes gazed at me with a soft tenderness and modesty that immediately reminded me of Asahina-san. Seeing that look on Haruhi's face…

I felt my heart melt. It felt stupid to use such a corny metaphor, but that's seriously how I would describe it.

'Want a rematch?' She asked suddenly.

I didn't even have to think about it.

'Let's do this.'

She glared at me playfully and slammed her arm onto the desk.

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_AN: Kyon with a Godhand. Anyone who knows what I'm talking about should know what to expect. The real crazy stuff is coming next chapter, , I just hope it was some fun. Review or flame please!_


	4. Why am I Doing this Again?

_AN: Howdy all. Need something to kill time until the next season? I'm happy to help then!_

_Review Reply Time!_

_xXxJazzy B. RealxXx: Oh, man. Thanks so much for that nice review! You made My day!_

_Spirit Hellfire: Yeah, I thought it'd be too easy to just make Koizumi like that. Cheers for reviewing, buddy._

_WhatDoYouMeanI'mDrunk: Classic name, I gotta remember to steal it. Joking aside, thanks for the review!_

_GothicRexterz: Not sure what you mean there, but I'll try to make it less confusing. (As if it wasn't already) Thanks a lot._

_BrazeRancor: Umm, that's not really what I had in mind. This is rated T after all. Thanks all the same anyway!_

_Sorry in advance if this chappie's a little slow, but I thought I'd lower the crack a bit to try and turn this into an actual fic. Enjoy all!_

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The Madness of Suzumiya Haruhi

_XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX_

_Why am I doing this again?_

I had trouble falling asleep last night, which was why I could barely pay attention during class. Okabe-sensei droned on about something that could've been either math or a recipe for takoyaki. I didn't doze off, mostly because Haruhi kept making strange noises from the seat behind me. It sounded like she as trying to stifle high-pitched giggles by pretending to sneeze into her hands or something. After the tenth such occurrence, I rounded about in my seat to ask her what was happening.

'Haruhi, keep it down. The lesson's just started.' I hissed at her. Not everyone can get such perfect grades without even paying attention in class. Or did I just want to sleep a little more?

'Hmm, really?' She smirked lazily, giving me a dazed look.

What the…? Was she drunk? I thought she hated alcohol.

'What's wrong?' I was getting sick of asking this over and over.

'I dunno.' She slurred, giggling a bit. Haruhi heaved a melodramatic sigh and sunk low in her seat, craning her head upwards.

I was about to repeat myself but decided against it. So she was tired? That shouldn't have come as a big surprise. Haruhi had to run out of steam eventually. With this in mind, I turned back to Okabe-sensei, who hadn't noticed, or probably ignored our conversation.

As the lesson dragged on mindlessly, Haruhi continued to make a mild ruckus. As her heaving sighs and strange gurgling noises became more frequent, it grounded the lesson to a halt.

Everyone in the room, including Okabe-sensei, was now staring at Haruhi and I. A tense silence overcame the scene, save for Haruhi's weird noises. I realized that my classmates were waiting for me to say something, instead of asking Haruhi what was wrong themselves.

Ah crap. Do I really have to ask that question again?

I once again turned around. Haruhi was leaning forward from her seat, staring at me with wide, incredulous eyes.

A sudden thought hit me. Had she been staring at me like this the whole time?

I trembled at that. Something was amiss in that normally vibrant expression.

I rose from my seat and stood beside her, gently putting my hand on Haruhi's shoulder; her eyes following my every move.

'Haruhi, what the hell? Are you sick?' I asked seriously.

She suddenly gasped, shooting up from her seat like a rocket.

'WAH!' I yelled, staring at her. Had she finally lost it completely?

'Wha-hey! Kyon! What the…?' She turned to me with a bewildered glare, as if noticing I was standing beside her for the first time. 'What're you standing there for?'

Yeah, she's lost it.

I opened my mouth to retort but she beat me to it.

'Kyon! Wipe that stupid look off your face! No wonder you're the Brigade Member with the lowest grades.'

I tried my best to snap back at her, but her sudden change had caught me completely off-guard. Also, with her glaring at me with those fiery eyes that looked like they could set something ablaze, I quickly submitted and just took my seat again.

This was yet another thing I had to ask Nagato about. Koizumi probably would refuse to help me, I thought, with the way he's been acting.

I let it go for now. It was just another footnote in the ever-growing size of the Haruhipedia.

Later, when it was time for break, I breathed a sigh of relief and made to sit down with Taniguchi and Kunikida to eat our boxed lunches. However, Haruhi didn't bolt from the classroom as usual, but stayed behind, having miraculously brought a boxed lunch of her own.

Correction. TWO boxed lunches. When she approached me holding both of them as soon as the bell chimed for break, I barely contained my surprise. What's more, that same bubbly and cheerful smile from the other day beckoned me wordlessly. It was like Haruhi's odd behavior from before had never happened, and so I temporarily forgot about it.

As we both sat there on opposite ends of Haruhi's desk, munching away on an assortment of fried vegetables and the like with our chopsticks, I exclaimed to myself that this was probably the most low-brow thing we'd ever done together. There didn't seem to be any ulterior motive, and Haruhi wasn't loudly announcing anything. In fact, from a stranger's point of view, Haruhi and I would seem like a normal High School cou---

I choked a little, to which Haruhi's eyes lit up in mild astonishment, before standing up and smacking me in the back with her palm. I swallowed painfully and thanked her, to which she just shrugged.

'I'm surprised, Kyon. You eat so slowly and still choke up?' Haruhi mused, almost done with her food, while I still had a bit more than half to go. 'Or what, don't you like my cooking?'

I shook my head quickly. It was actually really tasty, much better than the stuff my mother made for me, I admitted with a shot of guilt.

'Don't worry, Haruhi. It's Ok.' I then changed the subject. 'So tell me, what exactly are you planning for the club activity for today? You mentioned that we should just go to the station after school, right?'

Haruhi beamed excitedly. She sure was happy, allright. But not the usual kind of happy I was used to. It was too innocent, devoid of that sinister air that told me it meant disaster for all those involved.

'That's right. But we should all head home first to change and prepare ourselves. We can't tackle weird phenomenon as a couple wearing our school uniforms!'

That again. She was serious then? I still couldn't comprehend it. To me it seemed like nothing much had changed between us. We still talked about random subjects, and she was still adamant about searching for mysterious things in town. I thought if things continued like this, I might even forget that we were supposed to be a couple.

Huh, I actually said this time.

'Couple…' I murmured out loud without knowing it.

'Hm?' Haruhi heard me, a piece of cauliflower freezing in place in front of her open mouth. 'What'd you say?'

'Nothing.' I shrugged it off quickly. I realized I'd spoken too quickly.

'Nothing? _NOTHING?_' Haruhi scowled at me, clearly annoyed at my reply. 'You do realize just what a boring answer that is. When someone says "nothing" that person may as well be screaming at people to pay attention! Now talk!'

Haruhi was on her feet now. Though her tone greatly annoyed me, it was a little relieving to see her acting normally.

'I was just thinking…' I began, turning my gaze away from her piercing eyes. 'You and me already hang around a lot. And people have even gone far enough to think that we've already been dating for a while.'

Haruhi continued to glare at me, her expression unchanged, in other words a signal to elaborate further.

Should I really continue? I didn't even know what I wanted to say myself. Who knows? The world might disappear in the next few minutes depending on what I say to her.

'I'm just shocked.' I said genuinely, feeling the words come to me from nowhere. 'I never thought you'd just want me to be your boyfriend in such a forward manner. Not only that, but I thought you didn't even like me that much. You always say how much you want to meet aliens, time travelers, espers and the like, so I thought you had no interest in me except as your lackey in seeking them out. '

As I talked, Haruhi's expression changed. Her scowl and pursed lips relaxed, now staring at me silently, as if I was confessing I had been a time-travelling esper alien all along.

I continued without prompt.

'There's nothing about me that could be called special, or unique in any way. And you're…'

Haruhi's mouth was slightly agape, her eyes glistening in disbelief.

'Unbelievable.'

Maybe I should stop now? But I still can't stop talking.

'You're unbelievable, Haruhi.' I repeated. 'Everything about you just screams one-of-a-kind. You're the kind of person that makes me wonder how the hell I even deserved to meet someone like you.'

I finished at that. Had I said too much?

Haruhi didn't say anything. She remained passive and motionless for about a minute, still with that bemused look on her face.

I sighed, rubbing my forehead gingerly. Guess it was time for me to apologize.

'I'm sorry.'

...I hadn't said anything.

Haruhi had apologized.

Thankfully, as dumbfounded as I was, she just shot another joyous smile my way.

'Be ready for today, okay Kyon?!' She exclaimed before bounding out of the room faster than I could blink.

As I sat there, unable to move, Kunikida approached me warily.

'What was that about?' He asked, eyeing me strangely.

Where the hell do I start?

Luckily, the rest of the school day went by without incident.

Things moved fast for a while. I had already dashed down the hill, arrived home, changed into some casual wear and was already on my way to the meeting point.

As I pedaled my bike, I thought about Koizumi for a moment. Would he even show up at the meeting point? I remember him being absent from the clubroom when Haruhi had announced her plans for today. Maybe she had phoned him about it afterwards? Then what if he showed up today with Asahina-san in his arms? I don't know what I'd do.

And what about Nagato? Normally, she'd probably be fine going it alone on an occasion like this. But with the way she's changed, I'd imagine she'd be pretty depressed about it.

Was there some way I could keep all three girls happy? Yeah, right. If I even looked at Asahina-san for more than a second, if at all, I could kiss this existence goodbye.

More and more my daily life was becoming a stupidly improbable manga love triangle. Or love square? Or…nevermind.

After a few more minutes of pedaling, I arrived at the station half an hour before the designated time.

They were all waiting for me, as usual.

'Kyon!' Haruhi greeted me cheerfully, thrusting her hand in the air. She was wearing a short denim skirt and a shark pink tank-top that really brought out the best in her physique. Beside her was Asahina and Nagato-san; the former wearing a cute sundress with cyan-blue ribbons while Nagato simply wore her North High school uniform.

Some things never change.

'Hi, Kyon.' Nagato bowed, smiling gently. Koizumi was standing beside her, also dressed casually. I expected him to be glaring at me or something, but his pensive look gave me the impression that he was apologetic about something. Wow, I wonder what? Or should I be the one apologizing to him? Off topic on his demeanor, he really was standing close to Nagato-san. Shoulder to shoulder in fact. Was she Koizumi's date? Nice going.

And then there was Asahina-san, standing a little further from everyone else, seeming dejected but smiling a little nonetheless. So she didn't have a date? I didn't know wether to be relieved or depressed about it. She did mention a while ago that she couldn't get too close to anyone on this time plane or something like that. I guess this outing made that commitment all the more difficult. Hang in there, Asahina-san.

'Hey, everyone.' I greeted calmly.

'Kyon!' Haruhi piped up abruptly, smirking smugly.

'Eh?'

'You're late!'

Yeah, some things really never change. And a part of me even thought that this SOS rendezvous would be as uneventful as always too.

Ack, do I really have to say it? You probably know what I'm supposed to say next, right?

Oh well, here it is.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

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_AN: Sorry to end the chapter here, people. But I didn't want to start cramming the next few events in because it would've made this chapter way too long. I know this chapter was pretty much all character driven, but I just wanted to add these things in to (hopefully) heighten the stakes with what's to come. So if you liked it or think it's an embarrassment to Nagaru Tanigawa's works, then please share your thoughts. _

_Review please!_


	5. What Should I Put Here?

_AN: Ok, here I go again. Enjoy!_

_Review Reply Time!_

Durante Alighieri_: Thanks buddy, that means a lot. That's all I ever aimed for._

DragonLord WolfKnight Coker_: O_O indeed. I'll try and keep it that way._

einootspork_: I'm a lot like that too, but you came around eh? Thanks a lot!_

_  
The Jenx: Thank you very much for your input. Much appreciated._

_BrazeRancor: Heh, yeah that came out of nowhere. Thanks for the prophecy!_

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The Madness of Suzumiya Haruhi

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_What should I put here?_

Something had to be said about the pleasant scene unfolding before me. The SOS Brigade, as per normal, were all seated at the same table in the same nameless café, with everything on me of course. But that didn't bother me anywhere near as much as it should have this time. Why you ask? Well, for starters, I was actually having a really good time.

As soon as the words started flowing, it was like we entered our own world. As the food and milkshakes kept coming, so too did the general air of enjoyment. A normal conversation of a standard café rendezvous would usually revolve around Haruhi's ceaseless boasts about the future of the SOS brigade and what she had in store for all of us. This was the main part I didn't like about this get-together, aside from me having to treat everyone.

However, this time was completely different.

Koizumi started talking to Nagato fervently, bringing up all sorts of subjects like baseball and the latest computer games. She happily dove right into the conversation, smiling timidly as a myriad of other things flowed between them like water.

Haruhi turned her attention to Asahina-san, and for once held back on announcing other perverted ways to exploit her sex appeal. She instead conversed about the kinds of things that normal high school girls would talk about.

At first, Asahina-san was rightfully nervous, I'm guessing she must've expected something ludicrous to pop out of Haruhi's mouth at some moment, but after a few more minutes the two were blabbing endlessly about a list of topics, laughing jovially at random jokes, and gasping dramatically as tidbits of gossip passed between the two.

I turned my attention back to Koizumi and Nagato. They were still talking warmly, exchanging more words than they ever had before. In fact, when was the last time they even _talked _to each other about something that didn't involve Haruhi or the impending fate of the universe? And the way Koizumi was smiling seemed no different to the untrained eye, but I could tell it was genuine for once.

Though I couldn't find a good way to jump into either of the conversations beside me, I actually felt incredibly relaxed just sitting there, sipping away at a malt vanilla milkshake.

'Hey, Kyon.'

Haruhi suddenly turned her attention to me, her soft face glowing with unfettered joy.

'Hm?'

'What are you looking so happy about?'

'Dunno.'

'Come on, tell me!' Haruhi leaned in closer, her perpetual grin growing wider. At the other end of the table, Asahina-san watched me serenely, fiddling with her milkshake straw.

Tearing my eyes away from Asahina-san, I met Haruhi's gaze.

'I'm just relaxed, that's all.' I honestly replied.

'Well don't get too relaxed! We still have a whole afternoon to go out and find something mysterious! This is just an after school break before the fun really begins!'

I nodded, unsure what I wanted to say. Nagato and Koizumi were still chatting away in the background, ignoring everything else.

'Stop with that look already, Kyon! You're creeping me out!' Haruhi playfully punched me in the arm.

'Allright, I'll stop.'

'You're still grinning like an idiot!' She laughed, Asahina-san also giggled to herself.

'I'm not, really.'

Haruhi and Asahina-san stared at me for a moment, then burst out laughing, netting several stares from random people in the café.

But I didn't care. Without even realizing it, I was laughing myself stupid too. I had no idea what was so amusing, but I couldn't get a hold of myself.

It was such a cheesy scene, but one I wouldn't forget for a while.

Once we left the café behind us, we split into two groups. I was paired with Haruhi, of course, while Asahina-san and Nagato were with Koizumi, the lucky bastard.

'Have fun, guys! Meet back here at seven, got it!?' Haruhi announced as they walked off elsewhere, all three giving me different looks as they left.

Asahina-san, with a sad little parting smile.

Nagato, with a joyous wave and matching grin.

Koizumi, with a reassuring nod. His was the one I took note of most, as I half-expected some jealous glare or something. His eyes were telling me: Go for it.

I was the one feeling sort of jealous. Shoulder to shoulder with Asahina-san and the changed Nagato was something few would ever get to experience.

These jealous feelings vanished when I turned to the one who had so frankly asked me to be her boyfriend.

'Ready, Kyon?' She grinned up at me, her eyes gleaming cheerfully.

It's worth a shot, I think. I mean, how many guys out there can say they have the creator of the universe as a girlfriend?

'Sure.'

Haruhi gave me a little shove. 'Enough of that look, Kyon!'

_Yare yare_

I really can't help it at the moment.

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The day wore on. Haruhi dragged me all over the place, seeking out who knows what in completely random places. To me, it actually seemed like she was more interested in window shopping more than searching out any strange phenomena, to which I didn't complain of course.

At one point I managed to sit her down for a quick cup of tea at an outdoor table. She was surprisingly complacent about it, and as she drank her tea in sips rather than one shot gulps I couldn't help but notice just how much fun she was having.

Haruhi was radiant in her excitement. Like a newly born sun ready to shine its brilliance unto the universe.

Was it just me or had the heat all but disappeared?

Anyway, I completely lost track of time as we sat there silently. I just stared at her the whole time, not realizing anything, not coming to terms with anything, just staring.

She caught me looking and gazed back. I didn't turn away.

'What's on your mind, Kyon?'

Such a normal question, and I knew exactly how to answer it.

'Nothing.'

She just smiled at me.

'Idiot.'

Before long, it was almost seven o'clock, so Haruhi and I raced back to the front of the café to find the other three already waiting for us. For whatever reason, Haruhi had decided to jump on my back and make me carry her most of the way, yelling loudly like a Paladin racing to battle atop her trusty horse. It's easy for you to have fun, Haruhi, you weigh a hell of a lot more than you should. I wasn't going to say this out loud for obvious reasons, so I just let her have her way, as stupid as it made me look to struggle carrying such a lithe looking girl.

'Late! Penalty!' Nagato chirped as we approached them. When she said that line, it was just cute.

'Sorry everyone! Kyon just doesn't have it in him I'm afraid.'

Then you carry me next time.

'Right! Did you all have fun?'

Koizumi and Nagato nodded quickly. They both seemed flustered and tired, but enthusiastic. Just what did they get up to? Maybe they hung out at the library and read some really exciting books? Well, whatever they did, it must've been fun. As for Asahina-san, she was doing a good impersonation of the original Nagato; somewhat blending into the background, keeping quiet and standoffish. When she caught me looking, her face perked up a little, but otherwise said nothing. I felt a little sorry for her, but that's what comes with time travel I suppose. Maybe she could've gone with Haruhi and I instead? Or maybe I shouldn't hope for the stupidly impossible.

'Ok, then. Today's activities are over! Good job everyone!'

Good job? You didn't even ask them if they had found anything mysterious. Are you finally starting to grow out of that?

And so, with parting waves, we left each other in the same groups. The sun had started to set now, basking everything in a luminous orange glow. It gave me a melancholy feeling as Haruhi and I walked side by side. I don't exactly know what was wrong, but suddenly everything began to feel almost surreal; like I had walked into someone else's shoes and barely noticed or cared. For some stupid reason, I felt like this whole scenario with Koizumi, Nagato and Haruhi was just an alternate tale in the road of my life. Was this all really happening? Or was it the imagining of some random creator who put me in this position? Why did I keep philosophizing everything? It sure didn't make things easier to comprehend.

'Kyon, I had a blast today.' Haruhi's voice shut my head up. I'd totally lost track of how far we'd gone, and was a little surprised to see my house in front of me.

'Me too.' I replied. Classic.

I expected her to follow up with a goodbye or something, but she just stood there, motionlessly watching me. You don't need me to tell you how cliché this whole scene was. But until you live it yourself, you're never really prepared for what to do next. And I thought all that manga I read was good practice for a situation like this. What a load of crap that was. I was nothing like the suave guys in those stories. Just a high school student with common sense and an extraordinary life.

Haruhi stepped towards me, our toes almost touching. Her face was somewhat anxious and hesitant, but still held that familiar unshakable confidence.

But I still couldn't do anything. I know what I should have done, but all that thinking from before had confused me. In the end, Haruhi just raised her hand and gave me a light knock on the head, winking sweetly. And with that, she walked off quickly, smiling to herself the whole way until she went over the hill and disappeared from my sight.

'Bye, Haruhi.' I murmured a little too late.

After that, I decided it was best to keep myself from pondering the happenings of today. I just ate my dinner quickly, said goodnight to my mother and sister, and went off to bed. As soon as I was under the blankets my sleep deprived body caved and mercifully drifted off into dreamland.

Or so I thought. No points for originality here.

I had just closed my eyes before they snapped open again, all sleep and drowsiness vanishing before I knew it. The bare ceiling of my room greeted me, and from the darkness in my room I guessed it was the middle of the night. My bedside clock read 2:33am.

When I turned over in my bed, I saw something that shouldn't have been in my room. As such, the shock made my body spasm and tumble out of bed in a twisted mess of sheet covers and limbs. After I fighting to get to my feet, I typically rubbed my eyes in disbelief at the person standing at the foot of my bed.

Asahina Mikuru was in my room. In the middle of the night. Wearing her maid outfit of all things.

I wasn't stupid enough to think it was a dream, as unlikely as it was. My butt was still sore from the fall before.

'Kyon-kun.' She whispered, gazing at me with eyes glistening on the verge of joyful tears.

'_Kyon..kun_' Asahina-san repeated, choking up, covering her tiny lips.

I just couldn't help but stare at her. What was she doing in my room? How'd she even get in here? Was she an illusion like the other time that I don't even want to mention?

After sitting on the floor, frozen in place, I finally managed to speak.

'Do you want some water?'

Once again, classic.

Asahina-san didn't respond. Still with that enchanting gaze that turned my heart to liquid jelly.

Standing up, I quickly walked to my door, almost tripping over myself. She may not want a glass of water, but my face sure did.

The knob on my door didn't budge. Not that it was locked, but like the whole thing had been cemented shut. Even as I pulled at the frame, it didn't give an inch. My sweating hand slipped from the knob and I fell back, but I righted myself instantly.

I turned back to Asahina-san, and felt myself choke when I saw her already advanced towards me, her porcelain hands clasped in front of her waist.

'Asahina-san, what're you doing?' I finally managed to blurt out.

This time, she heeded my words. But what she said in response took me a whole minute to comprehend.

'I want you, Kyon-kun.'

This is not a dream.

'I've always wanted you.'

_This is not a dream!_

'Asahina-san…'

She leapt forward and embraced me, buried her head into my chest and let loose with a ceaseless cavalcade of heaving sobs. My body moved on its own now as I gently placed my hands around her shaking form.

Honestly, this was just ridiculous. What was I supposed to do now?

'Asahina-san…' I repeated, pushing her away as slowly as I could by her shoulders. She stared up at me with a tear-stricken face; her soft lips trembling.

'What's wrong with my door?'

I can be a real jerk sometimes.

'I've sealed the fabric of space-time around this room.' She answered quickly, ignoring her own tears.

It sounded like something Nagato would say. But sealing time around my room? How the hell did she do that?

'Why?' Was all I could manage.

She didn't answer. But the gorgeous smile that materialized told me everything.

No…way. There's just no way.

I stumbled away from her, leaning against my bedroom door. She can't be serious!

She approached me with light steps, every inch she closed between us brightening her already smiling face.

'I'm not afraid anymore, Kyon-kun. Of what could happen. Of the consequences.'

As ludicrous as it is, this was the real Asahina-san standing before me. But it seems she had thrown away her mission, her duty to keep the fabric of time in one piece. Maybe I should've seen this coming, or did I really believe that she hadn't changed? No, I wanted that to be true, but the way she had been looking at me recently should've given her away. Such is the power of beautiful women. Even now, I had no clue as to what to do. I just wanted to get out of there, before anything happened that I would regret.

I tried the doorknob again, still nothing.

'Don't you want me, Kyon-kun?'

Not like this.

Then something I had completely forgotten about popped into my head, or my arm to be exact.

Without wasting a second, I reared back my right arm and punched the door frame with all the strength imaginable.

My war cry at the attack was muted when the door splintered inwards violently and exploded through every wall in my house before blasting through the roof and vanishing into the night sky. I just stared in absolute shock at the damage I had caused. The entire top half of the house was gone, replaced with a jagged hole with bits of plywood raining down from the edges. I saw my sister shooting up from her bed across the roofless hall. She gave a dazed look to the apparent hole that been torn through her room and promptly went back to sleep.

Mom's going to kill me, was the first thought through my head.

'Kyon-kun, how did you…' she asked meekly, looking terrified.

I just stared solemnly back at her.

'I'm sorry, Asahina-san.'

With those words, I bolted from my house, still in my pj's, and with a single person in my head.

Nagato Yuki.

This had to fixed _now_.

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_AN: Please review, peoples! Flames are also welcome, anything will do! Anyways, if you're reading this, then I guess I helped kill a bit of time, eh? Bye for now!_


	6. Get a Hold of Yourself!

_AN: Time for another update. You still with me? Then it's on with the show._

_Review replies!_

_Sapphire-chan – You flatter me, and I'll try to update nice and quick. Cheers!_

_Durante Alighieri – Exemplary, huh? Damn, thanks a million!_

_Hieilover125 – That's the gist of it. OOC plots are my forte I guess. Thanks for reviewing!_

_Einootspork – Right on the money. Kyon may think he's nothing special, but his apathy is exactly what makes him so likable. Thanks for reviewing again!_

_WhatDoYouMeanI'mDrunk – I thought that's what Kyon would've done given the chance, nothing. And don't worry, I'm not fan of that relationship anyway. Poor Koizumi :P. I appreciate your reviews, man!_

_Therrin-Ninja – Heh, I smiled the whole time as I wrote that scene, but knowing Kyon, I knew he wouldn't do anything. It's just so fun sticking him in such awkward scenario's. Thanks a bunch for the feedback!_

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The Madness of Suzumiya Haruhi

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_Get a Hold of Yourself!_

I wasn't too sure just what the hell I was doing. My house had been half-obliterated. Asahina-san had tried to seduce me by trapping my room in a time-stasis or something. And now I was running with all my strength through the freezing night, sweating profusely all the same, and still donned in my pajamas. Nagato was the only person I could rely on now, she had to be able to fix this.

Although I may be overreacting, it just couldn't be helped. What Asahina-san had pulled back there was just so not her at all. How was I supposed to go on with my life knowing she lusted for me in such a way? Not only was she completely out of character, but who's to say she'd be able to control herself in the presence of Haruhi? It was a little shocking at how I felt about the recent event. I'd had my fantasies sure, but that was all they were. And now, after running away from something I secretly desired, I couldn't understand why I felt so dirty. She was just too pure, an angel too beautiful to reside in the world. I was just a guy who sucked at sports.

Sorry, Asahina-san. To see myself with you is just way over my head. I couldn't possibly be the man you want me to be.

But it wasn't just because of her that I wanted to change everyone back to their former selves. Sure, the outing before had been fun, and I really connected with Haruhi on a positive level. Nagato seemed so happy about it all too. In the end, it wasn't my world. Everything that's happened these past few days shouldn't even have taken place.

Besides, as much as it hurt to say it, this was the second time Nagato had changed my world and so I felt she had to take some responsibility. Honestly, she can be as inconvenient as Haruhi sometimes. That was a little unfair though, after all, I was bolting through the park to her apartment in order to seek her help once again. I can't hold it against her. I'd be dead now otherwise.

As I felt the last of my strength waning through my acid-pumping legs, I finally arrived at the entrance to the apartment block, completely out of breath.

I mashed her room button a few times, and kicked myself mentally for not bringing my bike here. Did I just run all the way here? Damn, I guess I'm not as unathletic as I thought.

'Nagato residence.' Her voice came through almost instantly. I guess she doesn't sleep much after all.

'Nagato! It's…Kyon!' I gasped, struggling to catch my breath.

She yelped at my loud reply, but answered quickly.

'Oh! K-kyon-kun? What's w-wrong?'

'Please! I've got to come in before she does it again!'

'Umm, who does what?'

'Asahina-san just…she just tried to have her way with me by sealing my room in a time-space rift!' I said all this in a single breath.

Nagato was quiet for a moment.

'What?!' She blurted, her tone laced with rage.

'Nagato-san…'

'C-come in!'

With a click, the front door opened and naturally, I raced inside and called the elevator.

Nagato was already waiting for me when the doors slid open; her incredulous face staring at me. I made to step inside the elevator with her, but my legs refused to cooperate and I found myself falling forward towards her. She gave a start but caught me effortlessly before I could hit the ground.

'K-kyon-kun!' She gasped, but held tight. I was too tired to respond, and so she just pulled my arm over her back and supported me.

She quickly took me into her apartment and laid me out on a bedroll sitting in her living room; all the while cradling me gently, her eyes full of genuine concern and worry.

'Kyon-kun, please tell me what happened!' she asked firmly as I stared up at her from my prone position.

I wasted no time in explaining the situation. Her face went from silent rage to anxiousness as I recalled Asahina-san and her insane plot to be alone with me.

After I was finally finished, Nagato just shook her head in disbelief.

'From what you've said, you two would've been trapped forever in that room…'

My stomach tightened at the notion. Had Asahina-san really wanted to do that? Was she willing to sacrifice both of our lives to get what she wanted?

I shuddered. There's just no way…

'Nagato…'

She jumped a little at my words, having been eyeing the floor and thinking hard about something earlier.

'Yes?'

'Please, you have to fix this somehow. Things just can't keep going this way. People need to be able to hold these kinds of things back!'

Nagato suddenly looked depressed at my words. She stared off to the side as I spoke, pursing her lips and sitting rigidly.

'Oh?' She murmured. Was that it?

'Nagato…' I got her attention again. 'Can you fix this?'

She abruptly got to her feet and turned her back to me. I couldn't see her face, but I instantly knew something was wrong.

'Naga-'

'What's there to fix?' She snapped coldly, keeping her back turned.

The hell…? What's with her?

'Kyon…'

'Huh?'

'I don't want to change back.'

Her sentence hung in the air for a few seconds. I immediately felt guilty to force such a thing on her. Was it selfish of me to want everything back to normal?

'Nagato, that emotional restrictment stuff you talked about the other day, I don't think it would hurt to just leave yours off or something? Just please, get everyone else back to normal.'

She abruptly shook her head, pursing her lips tightly. Miniscule tears were already building up around the edges of her glistening eyes.

'It can't be done.' She whispered shakily. 'The data can't be manipulated like that. If I were to try, then my psyche would shut down completely, and I would need to be replaced.'

Nagato cried silently beside me, shutting her eyes tightly but otherwise staying still.

This situation again…why was it up to me? What possible words could I say to comfort her? Oh, don't worry Nagato. When you're back to your ol robotic self, you probably won't care very much.

Yeah right. So what was I going to do? I had to try something, it tore me apart to see her like this…

'Nagato.' I said firmly, taking a gentle hold of her trembling shoulder. 'I can understand how you feel and…'

But that was it. Nothing else came. I really am hopeless.

'I'll fix it.' Nagato whispered suddenly.

'No wait, you really don't have to. Everything will work out somehow, right?'

Of course things wouldn't work out. However, I wasn't going to ask someone who saved my life to throw her emotions away for the sake of normalcy.

'No, Kyon.' She shook her head fervently, staring into my eyes with sharp determination. 'It was…all my fault to begin with. It'd be beyond selfish to want things to stay this way despite what could happen.'

She was fighting back her tears as she spoke, but her adamant gaze told me she had already made up her mind.

'But, Nagato-' I again tried feebly to talk her out of it. In response, she smiled serenely, her soft cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

'Sleep, Kyon.' She cooed, her voice sending tingles down my neck. I made to say something else, but a wave of fatigue swept over my body all of a sudden. My eyes grew heavy, my limbs relaxed, and as Nagato gently lay me down on the bedroll, the last thing I saw before I fell asleep was her somber smile.

An instant passed, then I shot up, awake and with the morning sun already blinding me from the wide living room window.

'Nagato!' I yelled impulsively, throwing my covers off. I spotted my school uniform and bag on the floor next to me, but ignored them for now. Rushing over to the only room I had never entered in her apartment, I threw open the door and saw Nagato Yuki already dressed in her sailor uniform, picking up her bag from the floor.

She ignored my sudden entrance, her face and movements devoid of that peppy enthusiasm I had so quickly gotten used to. When she saw me standing there in her doorway, Nagato gave me the slightest of nods before stiffly walking past me and leaving through her front door. Before she left, she said: 'Your parents have been informed of your location. Additionally, the damage to your household was reversed and all knowledge of the damage proper was nullified. School begins soon, please get ready quickly.'

Looks like she had "fixed" everything, eh…?

'Nagato…' I groaned, already feeling a terrible churn in the pit of my stomach. 'You didn't have to…'

Was it already too late? With this in mind, I pulled my uniform on as fast and as unkempt as possible and dashed out the front door, chasing Nagato down. Miraculously, I caught her waiting for the elevator and approached her anxiously.

'Nagato-san…did you…?'

'Yes.' She answered bluntly, keeping her eyes locked on the cold metallic elevator doors in front of her.

'So that means…'

'Yes.'

With a chime, the elevator arrived and Nagato and I stepped silently inside.

As the floor counter ticked downwards monotonously, neither of us said anything; just like the first time when she'd revealed her true identity in what seemed like a lifetime ago.

The silence continued between us as we exited the apartment complex proper and walked off to school. Though the sun had been out before, it quickly disappeared behind thick grey clouds as a gusts of chilly winds enveloped us.

'Nagato-san, how are you feeling?' I finally managed to ask.

She took about five seconds to answer calmly.

'I am fine.'

'I see.'

Silence again. Damn I was bad at this. So was this really it? Everything back to the norm? How anticlimactic.

'I've got a question, Nagato.'

'What?'

'Will everyone…will they remember what's happened recently?'

I thought I heard Nagato sigh, but it was probably just the wind.

'All memory has reverted to its original state.'

That made me even more depressed, albeit a little relieved. I guess I wouldn't have to worry about Asahina-san being scarred for life at what she'd tried to do. But this also meant that the Brigade outing in town might as well have never happened. Also, Haruhi would be…Haruhi again. I really didn't know how to feel about this.

'Ah, well…' I mumbled, taking a pointer from Koizumi by smiling widely despite everything. 'I wonder how Haruhi would react if she ever realized she asked me to be her boyfriend?'

I laughed. It was hollow and empty, but wether Nagato noticed didn't really matter.

'So much for that, eh? I was just getting used to the whole dating scene.'

Nagato stopped in her tracks suddenly, turning to stare at me placidly.

'Suzumiya Haruhi…' She started, her mouth slightly agape. Was she actually at a loss for words?

I raised an eyebrow, curious. 'What about Haruhi?'

Something glinted in her eyes. I almost didn't notice it, but I had no idea what it meant either way.

'Suzumiya Haruhi has not changed.'

What…? Was she saying…?

'The emotional restrictment data had no effect on her from the beginning.'

My eyes widened in astonishment. This wasn't just some ludicrous joke, was it?

'So…what you're saying is…she remembers everything?'

Nagato nodded slowly, unsure what I was getting at. How could she not know? This changes everything! That churning depression in my gut suddenly disappeared, replaced by a burning sense of excitement and hope that fuelled me with limitless energy.

So this is how Haruhi feels.

'Nagato!' I yelled excitedly, taking hold of her shoulders.

She blinked in surprise at my sudden action, but remained passive.

'I can make everything right for you. For all of us!'

Ick, did I really say that?

'Just don't run into Haruhi yet!'

With those baffling words, I tore away from her, bolting with my renewed strength down the street. I may be overly-optimistic at the moment, but like hell I care. It was time for me to do something for Nagato for once, wether she liked it or not. Screw playing by the rules!

I ran quickly and with reckless abandon, almost colliding with another student as I turned a corner. Yelling an apology behind me, I screeched to a halt when I reached the ever so familiar train tracks. And already crossing them, was just the right person I needed to talk to.

Suzumiya Haruhi.

Please, let this work.

_XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX_

_AN: Any good? Or have I lost all sense of direction? Please comment or flame, people! Thanks in advance!_


	7. Is This How You Are?

_AN: Getting close to the end now. It's been a lot of fun writing this, and everyone who reviewed is going in my good books. But seriously, the next novel and anime seriously can't come out fast enough. _

_Shout Out!_

_BrazeRancor: I'm so sorry! And I'm even more sorry for this chapter!_

_DragonLord WolfKnight Coker: Yeah? Guess I wasn't random enough…:P_

_WhatDoYouMeanI'mDrunk: Too right, buddy. Sorry, but I find that if I try and make a story too long, I end up recycling things and having it go stale. Cheers!_

_Einootspork: Yeah, it's a little unfair. Yuki's always got it tough. Thanks for sticking with the fic!_

_Therrin-Ninja: Ah, might be a let-down, but I hope you like anways. Sorry for updating this chapter so slowly. _

_Vaarsuvius: Hey guy, Hope you like how I did things. We all know how school keeps us busy throughout the year, but hang in there!_

_Durante Alighieri: Thanks so much! You're awesome too!_

_Integrated Data Thought Entity: Thank you for your blunt review. Yes, it's by no means brilliant, but you reviewing made it worthwhile all the same. Gracias._

_Earl Chapwin: That's good advice, but I guess I just can't be that random. Before I knew it, a cohesive plot emerged! Sorry about for the review!_

_Jefepato: You bring a good point in the review. I hadn't planned on most of the crazy things in this story, so that's why it seems broken and out of place. But I'm happy you enjoyed it, so thank you!_

_Bico: Right on, it's irresistable to mess with them in such ways. Thanks, buddy!_

_Vincent Studios: Woah, thanks a bunch! You really thinks so? (Hugs self) I appreciate that!_

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

The Madness of Suzumiya Haruhi

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

_Is This How You Are?_

'Haruhi!' I yelled suddenly, stopping the girl in her tracks. Somebody normal would've been frightened or at least surprised at such a greeting, but she just scowled at me and started walking again, shifting her bag around her shoulder.

'Kyon!' she shouted back jokingly, mimicking me. 'I'm guessing you have something to say, so spit it out!'

I paused for a second to catch my breath, a thousand words rushing through my mind. What the heck was I going to say again?

'Uhh…'

Damn it! Think!

Haruhi tore ahead of me with her inhuman walking speed. Already spent from the sprint before, I struggled to keep pace.

'T-there's something important I have to talk to you about!' I finally blurted. Haruhi didn't even slow down.

'Does it have anything to do with supernatural phenomena?'

'Yes!' I breathed.

Haruhi laughed heartily to herself, throwing her head back dramatically.

'Don't be stupid, Kyon!' She glanced at me over her shoulder with a wide, toothy grin. 'You just know you're going to be late for school at your pace so you're just trying to slow me down and make me late too!'

'What?! Why the hell would I do that?'

Dammit, Haruhi! You jump at the mention of anything strange from anyone! But when I try to mention something like that it's just a big joke to you, huh?!

I fumed silently as we crossed the road to North High with a bunch of other students. It had to be now! _She _could be nearby!

'Haruhi!' I yelled again, taking hold of her hand with my possessed arm.

'What, Kyon?' She's actually a little surprised this time.

I chose my words carefully and spoke slowly and clearly. I probably only had one shot at doing this properly, but there was as much a chance of ruining the equilibrium we had before than making anything better. But I had to do it! As far as I'm concerned, the Organization, the Data Integration Thought Entity, the Time Travelers from the future; I could care less what any of them thought at this point!

'Haruhi.' I repeated, more calmly this time. We were both standing in front of the school gate as several North High students poured in from around us, many staring at us as they walked by, many more hugging the walls to keep their distance. 'Have you noticed a change in Nagato's behavior lately?'

Huh? Yuki?' Haruhi cocked her head, then a spark of realization flashed in her eyes. 'Oh! Yeah, I didn't really think about it much. I just thought she finally decided to open up a little.'

Yes! She really did remember! My inner celebration didn't last long though. Haruhi was giving me a stern glare; the kind she wore when she was _seriously _troubled by something.

'Why're you asking about Yuki?' She muttered, puffing up her cheeks like a little brat. Hey, slow down. Don't jump to conclusions.

'It's nothing like that, Haruhi.' Yeah, of course it wasn't, huh? I'm not even sure how I feel about Nagato. What I do know is that I want her to be happy. 'I know this is going to sound incredibly stupid, but please just hear me out, okay?'

I didn't normally speak so seriously, which was probably why Haruhi seemed a little taken aback by all this. When she nodded for me to continue, I went on.

'Can you…picture Nagato in your head? Not the old one, but the one from the last few days.'

I felt like an idiot.

'Wah?!' She screamed, her anger rising suddenly. Would you relax for a second! This is hard enough as it is!

'Please, Haruhi. Just do that for me.'

She glared darkly at me but I didn't flinch. Then, she focused her gaze elsewhere, still scowling.

'Okay…' Haruhi stretched the word out for two seconds. 'Now what?'

Uhhh, well I'm not sure. Just how do your powers even work?

'Well, that's all really.'

I felt _really _stupid.

'That's all? That's _all_?' Haruhi bellowed demonically. A few girls nearby screamed. 'You almost had me concerned! Now I definitely know something's wrong with you!'

She huffed and turned her back to me, storming off amongst many wide-eyed students.

This wasn't good enough! Nagato would stay the same at this rate. Haruhi just thought I was going nuts.

'Haruhi, wait a second!' I called out to her, moving to chase after her rapidly retreating form.

I'd only taken a single step when an instant surge of grey enveloped me. All sound returned to nothing around me. The excited chatter of North High Students, the strong gusts of wind rustling the summer trees, my own voice calling out Haruhi's name.

In a single resounding echo, it all disappeared to be replaced by cold silence.

I instantly recognized where I was; exactly where I had been standing before, in front of the school gate. The biting frost that hung in heavily in the air around the deserted grey world in every direction told me I was in Closed Space once more.

'What?! Not now!' I yelled to no one in particular. Of all the times for this to happen! Did Haruhi do this?

Wait, as obvious as it might have seemed, I somehow knew this wasn't Haruhi's doing. This Closed Space felt so…artificial. Like a wanton copy. Normally, even as surreal as it felt to be in such a place, it had a stillness and quiet sense of transition to it that I had become bored of by now.

But yeah, like I was saying before, this Closed Space had something wrong with it. Since time was probably still flowing in the real world, I had to find a way out of there.

Huh?

I tried to move, tried to walk, even blink.

Nothing…

I was completely frozen in place; stuck in my half-running motion.

The hell…?! This was just like that…

_NO_

Then, _that _person suddenly appeared in front of me, staring at me almost nose-to-nose.

How was this happening? Had Haruhi punched me in the face before or something?

My mouth unfroze, then without even thinking, I spoke; my voice weak and broken.

'Why? Why are you doing this?'

Nagato Yuki just shook her head, never taking her eyes off mine.

'Forgive me, Kyon. I cannot let you change anything.' She replied simply, her tone more robotic than usual. 'Everything that has occurred thus far has been because of my negligence. My personal feelings and emotions could jeopardize my mission in the future.'

'Oh, great!' I yelled at her, surprised at myself. Nagato almost flinched at my outburst, but otherwise remained standing in place. 'Did you ever stop to think that you deserve more than your stupid superiors give you!'

Nagato said nothing.

'So, you really want to throw your emotions away, huh? You're fine just lingering in the background like some house plant or something?'

'Metaphorically speaking, yes.'

'BULLSHIT!' I screamed, my entire body suddenly breaking free of its spell. I didn't care much about that now, though. As I stood right in front of her, my fists shaking at my sides, all I could think about was how ridiculously selfless this girl just had to be.

'You look me in the eye and tell me the truth, Nagato! Remember the time when you experienced that summer vacation almost fifteen-thousand times? Do you really want your entire existence to be mean nothing but watching as everything and everyone who gave a damn about you just go by like nothing?!'

She didn't say anything, but her pale face seemed to tense up at my harsh words.

'Nagato, please.' I said calmly resting my hand on her shoulder gently, just like I had done to Haruhi just before. 'Let me…no, let yourself be happy.'

She lowered her gaze to the floor; eyes indecipherable through her hair.

'I see.' She murmured.

Was she actually beginning to unders-

Nagato became less than a blur. Her movement was more rapid and abrupt than time or physics should have allowed.

I've no idea how I was able to even _see_ what just happened, but it was a shock all the same.

Nagato, quiet little Nagato, had just slammed the palm of her fist into my stomach.

A moment of awkward flying ensued; the howling wind in my ears making me wince for the impact I knew was about to happen.

Oh, it happened. Hard.

Pure concrete gave way like paper as my body ploughed through the wall opposite the school grounds.

My mind wandered again, like it always did. The only time I had felt pain on this scale was when Asakura had stuck me with that blade.

The ground met me then, a bitter and rough welcome to say the least.

I felt myself drag across the muddy floor for at least a hundred meters before inertia finally let up. With choking gasps and shaking legs, I managed to get to my feet.

My vision re-focused. I saw a long, muddy ditch stretching away in front of me; ending at a gaping hole in the concrete divider ahead. Wasn't I in the park where that atrocity of a film was shot? And why was I thinking of that now?! I should be dead from that!

'Kyon.'

Nagato!

Her tiny hand ripped through the fabric of time, aimed at my chest again. But I was aware this time, or at least my ridiculous arm was. Like a blink of existence, my arm lashed out and took hold of her striking palm before it could connect, holding it in place without giving a single twitch.

She blinked at that, mildly surprised.

'Nagato, are you nuts!?' I blurted, tasting biting rust in my gums. It hurt to talk…

'In wording, yes. It seems I have suffered a mental breakdown.'

Brutal honesty.

'It appears that my human interface is trying to regain control from within me.'

Her hand broke free of my grasp, trapping my own in a crushing vice grip instead. Burning white pain shot up my arm like a magma eruption. It hurt too much to scream, so I just fell down to my knees, glaring up at Nagato as the grey sky overhead formed a dismal halo of clouds around her blank stare.

'What…the hell…is happening to you!' I hissed through clenched teeth.

'The Integrated Data Sentient Entity has detected that you have tried to alter current events using Suzumiya's power. As such, you have broken a unanimous law that all beings must adhere to.'

'Yeah? What law's that exactly?'

Her features hardened.

'You are trying to play god.'

Oh, yeah. Well I didn't think it was that much of a deal, though.

'Because of these circumstances, my superiors have taken control over my physical functions in order to subdue you before any further damage is taken.'

I stood up from the floor, glaring acidly at her; my hand still locked in her clutches.

'Couldn't you just alter my memories or something? Forget this whole stupid thing ever happened?'

'It was considered, but an anomaly has occurred within your body that seems to nullify any attempted data manipulation.'

My arm, huh? But wait, did she say her superiors are taking control? And she also mentioned that her human interface is attempting to take control? That meant that the Integrated Data Sentient Entity itself was preventing the human Nagato from coming back! So my plan had worked! Only…I didn't count on a race of immortal god-like beings to make such a fuss over it.

'Kyon-kun…'

That voice…it was Nagato…THE Nagato!

I saw her face. It mirrored that one she had worn outside of the clubroom a day or so back. It looked so...innocent, so…

Human.

Then, like flicking a switch that kicked you in the shins, that face disappeared, replaced by the cold-robotic one that, I guessed, was the representation of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity.

'Kyon.' Her voice again. Only this time, it sounded emotionless; like a static-filled warble imitating human speech. It literally sent a chill down my spine. 'By Article No.492729996520-N, you have been deemed a direct threat to our mission of achieving auto-evolution. Due to your apparent immunity to Data Manipulation, you shall be dealt with in the simplest manner possible.'

Her sneaker ripped upwards and slammed into my chin with more than enough force to split a mountain. A shockwave of raw energy screamed outwards, shredding the grass to dust and tearing out entire trees from their hundred-year trenches.

I was dead. I had to be. There was no way to survive a hit like that. Was this how it felt to die? Just a sarcastic conscience floating in nothingness? What a let-down. I mean, I'm skeptical about the existence of a god, but I had expected _something._

Wait, I wasn't dead. I was just looking up at a featureless sky. Panning my view a little lower, I came face-to-face with Nagato again. Nothing even resembling emotion was on that face.

Had she missed or something? Or…

I looked downwards a little more to see my hand clasped shut on her sneaker; frozen in place just under my throat.

What happened next is something I'm going to regret for a while, I'm sure. And if there's anyone out there to listen, I'm more sorry than I can say.

My hand threw her foot downwards, keeling her balance over so that her body lurched forwards violently.

Then it happened. I drew my fist back, feeling impossible muscles bulge in my arm, then missiled it forward; sending all four knuckles crashing into Nagato's porcelain face.

A burst of static erupted around me; like what one sees when a backhand connects with a faulty computer monitor. Dizzying colors danced in my vision and then vanished as fast as they'd come; to be replaced by Nagato staggering backwards and landing unceremoniously on her behind, staring up at me like a lost child who had never experienced violence before.

I almost dashed to her aid, readying several overlapping apologies, but her cold stare from the sitting position on the floor glued my feet to the ground.

'This is an anomaly.' She stated monotonously, a streak of blood dripping down from her nose. 'Human interface viral connection has suffered irreversible damage.'

What was she on about? I REALLY didn't want to hit her again. I hadn't even wanted to the first time. I sounded like a disturbed preschooler when I put it like this, but my arm literally made me do it.

'Listen to me, Data Entity…_thing_. You said you wanted to uphold some law about keeping the peace in this universe; to stop people messing around with Haruhi's power…'

What was I doing? Reasoning with a timeless being with more intelligence than the entire human race combined ten-fold? I had to try something. I didn't want to be forced to defend myself again.

'Then just what the hell is it that _you're _doing?! Did you stop to think that maybe my actions aren't my fault? Or do you honestly believe this arm of mine was a result of skipping breakfast?!'

I have no idea where I was going with this. But, like before with Haruhi, the words just came to me from out of nowhere.

'I think you can recall that time Nagato changed my reality into something she saw as…normal.'

She only stared up at me impassively as I approached her; a jolt of tearing pain shooting through my limbs with each step.

'I'm not trying to rewrite anything. All I want…' I bent down, took a firm hold of Nagato's shoulders, and hefted her onto her feet. 'Is for a good friend of mine to be happy.'

'Your conclusion is illogical.' She replied coldly. 'However, a longer evaluation of the situation must be conducted before I take any further action.'

Damn, she's more of a stiff than, well, Nagato I suppose.

I was struggling to stand by now, but I tried not to show it. That one hit she had landed on me still throbbed painfully in my chest.

'How long will that take?' I asked.

'Approximately 252 years.'

'Oh.' I chuckled, then laughed out loud despite the pain wracking my body.

'I have not said anything humorous.' She remarked, almost sounding annoyed. 'When that time expires, I will take complete action on these matters.'

'Sure, okay. Do you mind sending me back until then? I've got an essay to hand in.'

'Acceptable.' She nodded. 'Then I will take my leave also.'

Then in what was probably the least impressive transition I've ever experienced, I suddenly found myself standing out in the middle of the park as a ray of sunshine punctured through the heavy clouds above and shone mercilessly into my eyes.

How corny…but I was glad to be back all the same. And conveniently, whatever damage I'd suffered before was non-existent now. I must've hit a hit save point without knowing it.

Nagato was also there, staring dumbfounded at me. Then with an abrupt tear-stricken cry she leapt forward and wrapped her arms around me, burying her face into my shoulder.

'Kyon-kun! It's…all my fault! They almost…! I'm so sorry!'

I hushed her awkwardly, startled at the sudden display of emotion. After a few seconds of her soft cries, she parted with me and hurriedly wiped the tears away, her composure in place once more.

'You don't have to apologize, Nagato, really. I guess things just worked out for now. How're you feeling?'

'I-I'm good. I just feel a little dizzy.'

Oh, really…?

As a pang of guilt churned in my stomach, I noticed the way she was looking at me.

Nagato was smiling widely, her hands clasped behind her back, tilting one of her legs forward cutely.

'We better get to school, Kyon-kun.' She chirped, her smile growing even wider.

I felt really nervous all of a sudden. 'Uh, yeah…let's.'

She dashed off ahead towards North High, with me following suit behind her. As I jogged along, even though things seemed to be okay now, I was starting to feel a new kind of worry building up in the back of my psyche. Why did I suddenly feel like I couldn't look Haruhi in the eyes? Of all the things to be concerned about…

'Try to keep up, Kyon!' Nagato yelled back at me. 'We're going to get in trouble!'

Yeah…

…I sure was.

_AN: Wooooooooooh....._


	8. I just don't get it!

_AN: I officially suck. When it comes to updating things, I fail terribly. So I hereby award everyone with one FREE slap to my face. And I'm sorry, I have a real bad habit of starting a whole bunch of things and taking forever to even finish one. But I hope to finish this. Wait, I WILL FINISH IT! Roar! _

_Replies!_

_einootspork: I'm so sorry if I gave that impression. Thanks for staying with this for as long as you have._

_uzukun7: Thanks, Yuki's pretty cool, eh?_

_loli-nee-chan: Thanks a bunch. I thought it was overboard at the end of the last chapter but...you'll see why._

_ScaryCrow: Yeah, someone should draw some fanart of that. Cheers!_

_Aiko Enomoto: She's my fav too. Thanks a lot for your compliments on my work!_

_Durante Alighieri: I agree, it's getting a little edgy. T it is._

_Phoenix Helix: Congrats for getting into the show. And I'm honoured this was the first fic you read for it. Thanks!_

_EpicBoredom: That was my intention for a few reasons. And yeah, for an alien god, the IDTE is bloody illogical. And yes, I suck at updating. :(_

_Integrated Data Thought Entity: No really, it did. What seems like a little is a lot to someone else, so thank you. And Yuki is awesome. Just don't punch her in the face!_

_BrazeRancor: I checked out that Safe Mode thing, it's so cute. Nice to see a Doujin that isn't pervy. Thanks for reviewing, mate._

_Ok, here goes. Have a nice stay. And beware! This chapter gets weird and possibly confusing. And please point out any spelling errors. I can't edit to save my life._

**The Madness of Suzumiya Haruhi**

_I...just don't get it!_

She dashed off ahead towards North High, with me following suit behind her. As I jogged along, even though things seemed to be okay now, I was starting to feel a new kind of worry building up in the back of my psyche. Why did I suddenly feel like I couldn't look Haruhi in the eyes? Of all the things to be concerned about…

'Try to keep up, Kyon!' Nagato yelled back at me. 'We're going to get in trouble!'

Yeah…

…I sure was.

But as I ran after her, such thoughts began to slip away. It made me happy though, and I have no idea why.

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Anomaly detected.

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'Try to keep up, Kyon!' Voice said. 'We're going to-going to-going-going-going-g-g-g-gg-g-g-g-gg-g-g-g-ggggggggggggggggggggg.'

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The last two hours had been interesting. Observer had departed on an important mission. The one to quell interference from VIP Subject, (NAME) (DELETED). Observer was to capture subject for memory alteration. Subject defied all paramaters, acquiring power through means most likely recieved from Creator. With this power, (NAME) (DELETED) was able to combat observer. This battle would last over two hours, however Subject would not see it this way. The first hit on Observer would be the only one for Subject to remember.

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'Hey, Kyon!' Taniguchi tapped me on the shoulder as I took my seat in class, Haruhi hadn't arrived yet. 'Man, you look so tense, what happened?'

'I thought I saw you run in with Nagato Yuki at the gates.' Kunikida added, coming in from nowhere. How does he do that?

I thought of a clever answer, but none seemed clever enough, so I just shrugged. 'No reason, we were both gonna be late.'

'Ho oh!' Taniguchi grinned widely, like an evil fox who had stumbled upon a rabbit nest. Sheesh, stop that! And you wonder why you have trouble getting a girlfriend! 'Did you have something to do with it?'

I raised an eyebrow. 'Whaddya mean?'

'Nagato-san is so _normal_ now.' Kunikida said. 'She smiles and actually talks to people.'

'Yeah.' Taniguchi interrupted. 'And people reckon it has something to do with you!'

Well, that wasn't a lie. But who the hell would believe the truth? There's really nothing I could say to the contrary.

'I just...helped her open up a little that's all...that's all!' I added the last part a bit louder when Taniguchi's grin widened.

Then, like an angel from heaven, Haruhi entered the classroom with lightning speed and nearly crashed into Taniguchi and Kunikida on the way, like she couldn't even see them. Naturally they just hovered away to their seats, but Taniguchi's grin was still plastered to his face. Stop it already!

'Hi, Kyon!' Haruhi smirked as she sat down behind me, her face radiant in joy. Whatever ill thoughts I might've had just vanished at that smile. I meant to just say "hi" back, but I realized that she'd never actually said it like that before.

'...Hey.' I finally replied, my voice weak.

Haruhi's smile dissappeared, now a scowl I was all too familiar with. 'Huh? What, you aren't still acting weird are you?! Just what was that stunt you pulled at the gates?'

Oh sh- I'd almost forgotten. Why'd that feel like months away? Quick, say something!

'I was joking.'

Damn it...

'Oh.' She said nonchantly, leaning back in her seat, clasping her hands behind her head. Wow, really? Well, she's never been one to brood. 'I thought maybe Aliens had taken over your mind or something.'

Ha. ha. HA.

'But seriously, it's great that Yuki's decided to show her feelings a bit more!' She added happily, though her tone made it sound like it was all her idea.

'What? You don't mind that she's not the SOS Brigades' token "Silent Character" anymore?

'Yuki's just Yuki.' Haruhi stated.

Huh. I guess you do care about...

.............wait.

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Subject fought. Observer fought, using I as a shield against the limitless strength of the other. But regardless of (NAME) (DELETED)'s conviction to "free" Observer, the struggle was futile.

'Human interface is unstable. Recommend immediate replacement.' Voice reported.

Yes. Twice now it has been proven. No emotion is necessary. What cannot be understood should not impede with what can. Replace Observer Yuki.N.

'Interface rebooted. All previous personal memory deleted. Data archives retained. Application complete.'

Continue data collection.

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'Watcha reading?' I asked Nagato, turning away from the game of chess I was having with Koizumi. The sun shone bright outside, the sky completely clear. If the weather was reflecting my mood, then it was spot on.

'Oh!' Nagato jumped in her seat a little, previously absorbed in some hardback novel, by the window of course. 'Sorry Kyon, you kind of surprised me.'

I smiled at her. 'Sorry about that, just curious is all.'

Koizumi chuckled. I ignored him. It was a checkmate after all.

She held up the book for me to see. It was "Ice Station" by Matthew Reilly. I'd never heard of him before. But that was the same with most of the authors of Nagato's books, something which I felt a little ashamed about.

'Is it Science Fiction?' I asked. Nagato pursed her lips and glanced at the ceiling.

'No, not really.' She answered simply, grinning a little, like she had told a small joke that only she understood.

'Huh?' Was all I said. My view of Nagato was suddenly obscured by a warm cup of tea, held aloft of Asahina-san in her maid outfit. She smiled sweetly at me with a tilt of her head as I took the cup and said my thanks. I'm surprised at myself, really. Had I really blocked the thoughts of _that_ night so easily?

'Well, if I had to pick a genre then it would definitely be Pure Action.' Nagato said from across the room, snapping me from my temporary daze.

'Pure action?' I asked on reflex. Koizumi was still studying the chess board, smiling like always. Yeah, keep smiling, not much you can do without a Queen.

'Yup. I've read Action books before, but they tend to get bogged down with political things and way too much behind the scenes stuff.' Nagato explained, waving her hands about a little, getting excited. 'But this so...on the front lines, sort of thing. It gets so bloody and exciting with all the crazy situations that Scarecrow finds himself in.'

'Scarecrow?'

'Oh, he's this US Marine with twin scars that run down his eyes, but he covers them with wraparound anti-flash sunglasses and-'

I listened to her go on about the characters and explosive mayhem of Ice Station. It sounded pretty cool, but I was more focused on the way she would retell her favourite parts so animatedly; her voice growing more excited with each word.

'You seem happy, Kyon-kun.' Koizumi spoke up. I turned back to face him, noticing that the chess board had been reset. Nagato continued to explain an elaborate action scene involving hovercrafts and anti-tank missiles, but she was in her own world now.

'Yeah?' I replied, trying to hide the smile that had crept up on my face.

He chuckled again, though it didn't annoy me for some reason.

'I think Nagato-san's change in behaviour is quite uplifting.'

I was about to agree with him, but he continued speaking, his voice taking on a more serious air.

'However, please stay focused.'

The hell did that mean? He was insinuating something...

'Wha...?'

Koizumi stopped smiling. Woah.

'Please don't. There is more at stake than you think.'

Did he mean...?

'-and then, he sets off the charges hidden underneath the bridge, blasting everyone in Barnaby's Unit! But after that-'

I still couldn't think of anything to say. All I could do was stare at Koizumi, shocked. His smile reappeared shortly after. Mine didn't.

'Another game?'

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Subject appears to comprehend. His power is incredible, immune to data-manipulation. But like humans with power, he was flawed. Such power meant nothing.

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What the...?

'Kyon! What's wrong?! Pitch the ball already!' Haruhi screamed from the plate, pointing the bat menacingly at me.

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What is this? Subject understands. Subject sees.

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'Try to keep up, Kyon!' Nagato yelled back at me. 'We're going to get in trouble!'

No.

'Try to keep up, Kyon!' Nagato yelled back at me. 'We're going to-'

No. No. _No._

'Try to keep-'

'NO! THIS ISN'T...!!!!'

I was screaming. Why? What was I seeing? Nothing was true. Nothing was a lie. What was happening?!

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Subject will not comprehend. Subject must comprehend. _Must _understand. Creator will not allow deletion.

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'Yuki's just Yuki.' Haruhi stated.

Huh I guess you do care about...

....wait. Wait just a damn second.

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Creator will not allow! Subject will not _understand!_

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Nagato...Yuki.

Yuki.

Haruhi.

Yuki.

Haruhi.

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MUST UNDERSTAND!!

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Then, my brain exploded. Not literally mind you, but that's what it felt like. My vision went red, and I screamed as loud as I ever have in my life. Fake Nagato stared wide-eyed at me, blood and dirt smeared all over her face; her hair a tussled mess. Her one handed grip around my throat weakened slightly, so I took the opportunity to rip her hand away with my own, freeing myself from her merciless clutch.

I fell backwards and landed hard on the grass, the featureless grey sky of the Integrated Data Thought Entity's closed space greeting my blurred vision. I fought to get back on my feet, knowing Fake Nagato would attack again. But my body, my entire being was utterly depleted. Every muscle burned and ached, my very skin burning with sweat and exhaustion. As I managed to somehow sit myself up, barely keeping my vision focused, I noticed that Fake Nagato was still standing in place; her bloodied hand outstretched where it had held me before.

'No. It didn't. Why?' She spoke, her voice trembling.

Was she...talking about those memories that I had experienced? They had seemed so real...like looking into the future. Was it able to understand me so easily?

'Why won't you understand?' She asked desperately, falling to her knees, bowing her head.

What's there to understand? You really think I was going to do nothing about it? Some Alien God you're supposed to be...

'It's...that power. The one Creator gave you.'

You mean Haruhi. This arm. How much...power did I have?

For what felt like hours, Fake Nagato and I didn't move. Biting cold rain began to pour from the sky, stinging my eyes. Fake Nagato ignored the rain, still kneeling in the mud, the moisture matting her hair.

When I felt I had regained enough strength, I clambered to my feet; a pained cry escaping my lips whilst doing so. Looking down at myself, I realized how much blood was stained on my viciously torn uniform. My sleeves were completely ripped away, revealing a mass of gaping cuts and bruises all along my arms. I reached up with my hands and wiped my face gingerly. As I pulled my hands away, I felt a churning sickness in the pit of my stomach. My hands were smeared with fresh blood that even the pouring rain could not wash away.

I was so weak...so tired. My mind slowed. My worries ceased. But I was still standing.

With everything I had left, I shuffled one foot after the other towads Fake Nagato, who still wasn't moving. Every wobbling step I took felt like one I wouldn't be able to retrace, kind of like taking a step off a sheer cliff; knowing there was no way to regain your balance.

But despite the bolts of searing pain piercing my legs, I carried on, closer and closer.

I thought of Haruhi, smiling that million-watt smile, leaning towards me from her desk. A crushing sadness overtook me with that image.

Another step.

Nagato was there, tears streaked down her porcelain cheeks.

_I-I wish you all the best with Suzumiya-san!_

One more step...

I was standing in front of her now, before I too fell to my knees, kicking up a splash of muddy water. What was I going to do? Was this place...was I going to die in this place?

Finally, Fake Nagato moved. She slowly raised her head, the rain streaming with the blood on her face. She looked so broken, so helpless. Was this really what the Integrated Data Thought Entity was reduced to?

'Kyon...'

I don't know. I just don't know.

Leaning forward, I embraced her. I didn't care if it was really her, or her other self, it just didn't matter anymore. The rain grew in intensity, draping our bodies in water. My ears became clogged, dulling all sound for just the distant roar of the rain all around me.

_'Kyon-kun.'_

I could still hear her voice through the thunderous roar of the storm, as if it was being spoken to my mind directly.

'Everything will be allright.' She whispered.

No words came to me. My eyelids shut involuntarily. Everything felt so...heavy.

A horrific pain erupted in my chest. I screamed as the rain hammered my face. Opening my eyes, I looked down to see a metallic spear going straight through me...with Nagato holding the other end. I couldn't see her face.

When I realized what had just happened, I suddenly felt extremely cold. Bile crawled up my throat, but I couldn't vomit. More rain enveloped me.

Falling back...my life...didn't flash before my eyes. I was scared.

I was...scared.

'Understand.'

_No..._

'You will.'

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(NAME) (DELETED) deceased. Prepare for repurcussions from Creator. Data will be collected.


	9. God is a Girl, huh?

_AN: Ok, as an apology to all who liked this fic, I've pushed myself to update this whenever time allows. So here's another chapter which will (hopefully) explain just what the heck the last chapter was supposed to mean. Enjoy!_

_Replies!_

_BrazeRancor: Seriously, I thought that myself a few times. Maybe this chappie will make a bit more sense. AH-H-H-H!!_

_Kyon-Is-Haruhi's-Slave00: Kyon will never die! Well, so long as he never dates any other girl. Thanks for the review._

_superstarultra: Thanks a bunch! And Haruhirolled is awesome as always, which by the way, inspired me to try and update at the godly pace that you do. _

_Aiko Enomoto: Woah, cheers guy. Glad the other chappie had that effect. _

_uzukun7: You're very perceptive, but I can't help but be predictable at times. Cheers!_

_einootspork: Thanks so much for that. Acknowledgement as an awesome reviewer ye shall recieve. Hwa!_

**X**

**The Madness of Suzumiya Haruhi**

**X**

_God is a Girl, huh?_

I'd lost my sense of time. You know that feeling you get when you wake up in your own room after a weird dream and it takes you a few seconds to realize where you are? Yeah, it was kinda like that, only it seemed to go on forever. Nothing around me made sense.

Then, in what could've been two seconds or two centuries, I managed to recall what had happened.

There I was, in that imitation of closed space, fighting against Nagato Yuki, under control from none other than the Integrated Data Thought Entity. We clashed in what I realized had been an obscene display of raw violence. Each earth-shattering blow we landed on one another tore the landscape apart around us. What had once been the small park near my school looked more like a vicious battlefield now, with a plethora of various scars and trenches rended through the once pristine grass.

She had tried to trick me, to make me think that that first punch I landed on her (To which I still feel horrible about) had somehow magically solved all the problems; an obvious Deux Ex Machina, if you will. I experienced a reality so real, that I was still wondering what parts of it had been a fabrication, if any of it all.

Then, my arm saved me. It fought back, on its own like it had for the entire fight. It single-handedly (no pun intended) resisted the whole of the Intergrated Data Thought Entity from rewriting my thoughts, this hand of god.

When I think back to it, that whole scene after the supposed "victory" was beyond corny. I guess even Alien Gods were hacks every now and then.

As my arm resisted, jolting me back and forth through that fabricated reality to my battle with Fake Nagato, I somehow managed to break free, only to find myself with nothing left to fight with. Dragging myself towards Nagato, it dramatically started to rain; freezing rain that further numbed my already cold body.

Embracing her, not caring who or what she was anymore, Nagato run me through with one of those spears that had pierced her own tiny body all those months ago.

I remembered the pain, the uncompromising fear that broke me. Such a horrible feeling, to die like that. I guess whoever said death was peaceful was alive at the time and probably a liar too.

But was I really dead? Had my body and mind caved in, after that endless battle with an alien deity?

If so, then how was I still wondering these things? Or did all people who passed on exist as an ibsubstantial consciousness floating in infinity; pondering their problems and last moments?

I had to know, had to find out why I was still existing. So I tried to open my eyes, though I didn't feel them, or have any sense of where I was or what was up, down, left, or right. To my surprise, I instantly saw things around me. Places, people, blurred images that danced randomly all over. I tried to focus on anything, but all the things I saw went by too fast or just didn't look like anything at all.

Fear took me again. Was I going to be trapped in this mess forever?

No...don't panic. Try to focus on something, anything. I still exist.

Again, to my shock, the varied staccato of images abruptly halted, forming a scene I had just played over in my mind; that of my death at the hands of the Integrated Data Thougth Entity. I saw myself fall onto my back, the featureless spear protruding from my chest. Every inch of my body was caked in wounds and mud, to which I shuddered, or at least thought I did. I barely recognized myself, but I still knew it was me, I felt it. Though I was floating in the air, I couldn't see "myself". I was just a floating consciousness, detached from the world.

Nagato came into view, looking about as bad I was, but she didn't seem to notice or care about her wounds; her blood-smeared face near-emotionless, save for what I barely noticed to be a whisper of sadness. She stood by the other me, looking down at my broken body, before pulling the spear out from chest. The "me" didn't register anything, already his eyes were shut, completely unmoving.

I was really dead. I'd just seen it myself. If I had a mouth, or a stomach for that matter, I probably would've puked.

Then, the world changed. The artificial closed space dissappeared, taking all the evidence of the battle with it...save for one thing. My body was still there, bloodied and still, lying in the grass as the sun shone overhead in the cloudless sky. A gentle breeze tussled my hair and torn ends of what was left of my uniform.

Somebody screamed, I didn't know who. The world seemed to fast-forward on its own, but when it stopped, things had changed.

My body was still on the ground, but several people were crowded everywhere around me, some of them North High Students, a few teachers I recognized, and some complete strangers. An ambulance had driven onto the field before; its paramedics already crouched beside me, doing who-knows-what to revive my body.

Again, without really knowing how, I knew it was futile. The paramedics decided it was time to take me elsewhere and were already hefting my torn body onto a stretcher; opening the ambulance doors at the same time.

I heard her voice then, screaming in a tone I've never heard her use before; one of absolute panic and despair.

Haruhi Suzumiya cannonballed her way through the thick crowds, knocking over a few people, but she didn't look back for a second.

And her face, my god her _face_...

She was crying. Hazel eyes wet with the flow of tears; her teeth bared in a wincing, helpless scowl.

'Kyon! KYOOOON!!'

Her scream erupted above the din, taking everyone's eyes off the previous spectacle. To hear her yell out my name like that was...it was...

...I just felt like crying.

Haruhi rudely shoved a paramedic aside as she reached my body already being pushed into the back of the ambulance.

One of the paramedics tried to push her away gently, saying something I couldn't hear.

'He's with me! MOVE!!' She screamed, silencing the guy quickly, wether out of fear or compassion, who knows. But they allowed her to clamber into the ambulance with them before the doors were shut and it moved its way past the crowds and tearing down the street; its sirens blaring.

I had to follow, had to see what would happen. But I couldn't move. I was still stuck in the air, floating in place.

Panic set in again. The ambulance had already driven clear of view, but still nothing. Come on! What made this work last time?! Think! Just calm down, and think clearly. It'll come to you.

As soon as those thoughts passed, everything shifted again; becoming a miasma of colour and shapes twisting inwards.

That's it...now concentrate. Think of Haruhi. Think of nothing but her.

Everything slowed, coming into focus, like a messy video playback righting itself gradually.

Another scene materialized around me, but something was different this time.

I was sitting on an uncomfortable chair, staring forwards at a featureless teal-green wall. Looking to my left, I saw my friends seated in a row of chairs by a wall. There was Asahina-san, crying softly to herself; cradling her face with shaking hands, her brown bangs bouncing minutely with every muffled sob. Koizumi was seated next to her, his face solemn, sitting rigidly. Nagato...was there too...but...she didn't seem to register her surroundings at all. She was just sitting there robotically, eyes set forward in a perpetual gaze that betrayed nothing.

I tried to call out to them, to say anything, but I couldn't control myself at all. Without even wanting to, my gaze shifted away from them, back to the wall once more.

What was going on?! Why couldn't I speak? And where was Haruhi?

'Suzumiya-san.' A voice said from beside me, cautious and gentle.

Turning to the voice without even trying to, I saw Koizumi standing before me, looking depleted and even a little fearful.

'What is it?' I snapped, glaring at him.

Wait...did I do that? I didn't even think about it. The words came out of my mouth for sure, but...that wasn't my voice at all.

'Well, I just needed to say-'

'Say what?!' I interrupted, bolting upright from my seat, challenging him. Doing all this, I realized I wasn't in control of my body at all. And also...my voice, was Haruhi's voice. I was seeing everything through her eyes somehow, but no matter what I did, that was as far as I got.

'I...just wanted to reassure you, that's all.' Koizumi calmly replied, putting on a bare shadow of his usual smile, which lingered for only a second.

'Do I look like I need to be reassured!!?' Haruhi screamed, her tone going shrill, breaking. To my shock, she suddenly sprung forward and shoved Koizumi hard, knocking him to the floor painfully. Asahina-san shrieked briefly from out of my view, but my-**her **gaze stayed on Koizumi, glaring at him, as he sat upright from the floor, groaning.

Haruhi was hyperventilating, furious and lost all at once. I felt all these things from her, but one emotion burning in her mind unsettled me the most.

She was losing hope...in everything.

'Excuse me,' A different, male voice cut in from behind. Haruhi turned on the spot to see a doctor there holding a cliboard, his face impassive. 'Are you all relatives of K--'

A loud hum broke my concentration, but I refocused quickly.

'No, we're...' Haruhi's voice, weighed with dread. 'We're his friends.'

The doctor nodded, breaking eye contact for a second.

Oh, no. NO! Go away you moron! Make something up! Tell her I'll be fine in a day or two! Just don't---

'--we did everything we---'

Dammit it all...

The rest of the doctors words just faded away like dry leaves. Haruhi's gaze was now fixed to the floor, swaying randomly. I thought I heard a loud wail that sounded like Asahina-san, but Haruhi didn't seem to care. In fact, she was feeling nothing; save for a dull numbness in her gut.

...I was torn. Never have I felt such a sickening sadness as I experienced then, watching Haruhi stumble away, ignoring the pleading calls from Koizumi and Asahina.

I just wanted to scream, to let Haruhi know that I was there with her. But no matter what I tried, there was no way to interfere with anything.

Haruhi was shaking with rage, her vision blurred with tears. She didn't care where she was going or who had to jump out of the way as her pace abruptly broke into a run.

She was in despair now. Nothing mattered, nothing was worth it. Every inch of her being just wanted to scream, to lash out and destroy everything that had betrayed her. Haruhi didn't know why she felt betrayed, but something in the back of her mind kept telling her so; that the world had unfolded in a way that it _never _should have.

Never.

Beside myself, I still tried hopelessly to reach out to her, to do anything. _Anything _dammit! Come on, I just couldn't keep watching her like this...

Despite everything in my will, Haruhi's rage just grew. It boiled with seething malice, now transformed into a heedless hatred for everything. And maybe it was her thoughts and feelings that distracted me thus far, but there was no way to avoid noticing now:

The world was literally falling apart.

The plain hospital corridor had shattered outwards as all matter and material just disentegrated into nothing before my eyes. The people too, one minute they were just milling around minding their own business, some showing visible sympathy to the distraught girl. Then they too were just obliterated, probably without even knowing it; just wiped completely from existence.

As it happened, Haruhi's despair-ridden scream rang out, like a twisted siren song to the end of the known world.

I think I was screaming too, out of both anguish and fear. It was terrifying to say the least, about what I'd just witnessed. Nobody should have to see that in their lifetime.

Then, it was back to nothing again. Back to floating in my own pysche.

So was this really it? Was there nothing I could do except play back the end of me, the end of the world?

'No, it's up to you, I guess.'

Really now? Was it that simple? What's the catch?

'Catch? Nah. Just focus, okay?'

Easy for you to s---

I blinked. For real this time. The all-too-familiar sensation of my body flowed outwards to my fingertips. I was still there, floating in zero-space, but I could see myself now, wearing of all things, my damn school uniform.

And that voice from before...!

Turning my head rapidly, ignoring the whiplash, I saw Nagato standing there, wearing her own uniform obviously. And--

'NAGATO!!'

I didn't think for a second about what I was doing, but there I was yelling her name out at the top of my lungs and hugging her tight.

'H-hey! Kyon, I---_oof!_'

It was such a relief. To see her, to see _anyone_. Hell, I would've hugged Koizumi if he'd shown up...maybe.

After I finally realized I might be crushing her tiny frame, I let go and caught my breath, unable to keep the probably idiotic-looking smile off my face. It was Nagato after all, the real one.

'Hi.' I managed to blurt out, breathless.

She just grinned at me, looking flushed, but relieved as well.

'Kyon...' Nagato started, but her voice drifted off, as did the warm smile on her face.

I was confused. She was happy just before, so why this sudden melancholy?

There was no time to contemplate though, as she rushed forward and...

...knocked the wind out of me with a powerful sudden embrace.

Nagato let loose a mixture of laughter and wracking, heaving sobs; her little shoulders trembling.

I just hugged her back, fighting my own tears. Geez, get a grip!

When she let go with a lingering sniffle, her face utterly flushed and eyes still wet with tears, I was a little dissappointed. But the overwhelming happiness I felt at seeing her again quickly washed those thoughts away.

'I'm so sorry.' She squeeked, almost breaking down again, but righting herself with a little snort, which I found adorable. 'You suffered so much, all because of my stupid mistake. My selfishness. The pain you must've felt...'

Nagato shut her eyes tightly, exhaling slowly.

'But I knew you could do it.'

She was smiling widely now, happier than I'd ever seen her. But what did she mean?

'What happened exactly?' I asked gently. Her face shone radiant now, emanating pure joy.

'You saved me. Saved yourself. Saved everybody.'

Huh...really? How?

'I don't get it, Nagato.'

'Well it's a little hard to explain, well _impossible _actually. But I think I can give a hint.'

She spread her arms out. A stupid thought ran through my head that maybe she wanted another hug or something.

'You know the Integrated Data Thought Entity?'

I shivered impulsively, nodding.

She said nothing else, but still gazed warmly at me, her arms still outstretched.

What did that mean? Was that heartless alien deity done for or what? Or...

Nagato flashed a toothy grin.

_No way..._

'No way!'

She couldn't help but giggle at my reaction, clapping her hands over her mouth to stifle the laughter.

'You'e the Thought Entity now??!'

Nagato shrugged like it was no big deal. Yeah right! As if you weren't powerful enough before!

'I took control somehow. After you fought it for so long, you were able to break through its defenses on an almost godly level.'

Nice.

'It was trying to make me dissappear the entire time, but then, when I saw it...y'know...'

I nodded quickly, the less said about that the better.

'I guess it just happened. Conveniant, huh?' She tilted her head sheepishly. 'Though I could try a more in-depth explanation.'

'N-no, that's okay.' I replied with a quick laugh. 'But I've gotta ask...am I really dead or what?'

She shook her head. 'Well, you were for a while. But that arm saved you again.'

Oh yeah, my stupid arm. An unexplainable gift from Haruhi. And even more unexplainable was the fact that I knew I didn't have it anymore. I guess its last use took the form of a Phoenix Down of sorts. Good riddance all the same. Who knows what kind of damage I could cause in the future with that thing?

Confirming my thoughts, Nagato added: 'It's gone now, so you don't have to worry.'

'So what now?' I asked, scratching my head. 'Haruhi really did destroy the world, right?'

'Just leave it all to me, Kyon-kun.'

Leave what to you? You didn't seriously mean...wow...

'You're kidding right?'

Nagato propped her hands on her hips in a very Haruhi-like pose.

'You forgetting who I am?' She boasted jokingly.

No. I'll never forget. Not someone like you.

'So...I guess I'll see you again soon?' I asked.

She said nothing, but threw a curt wink at me.

Then, for like the third time today, everything transformed around me. As the matter of existence itself warped all over the place, I wondered how many other people had gotten sick of things like this.

But I didn't think too hard on such things when, rather predictably I might add, my consciousness began to fade.

...Was I going to be late for school?


	10. How Did You Get This Far?

_AN: I recieved some advice earlier that replying to all my reviews in my updates could actually get me banned from this site! O_O. So instead, I'll just send a PM your way. And yes this epilogue of sorts is short, but I never intended this fic to be a grand sweeping journey or nothing, but more a bite-size adventure that takes place in between the big events. So, here's the end. Feel free to tear apart my attempt at wrapping up this insanity. Enjoy!_

_**'How did you get this far?'**_

Y'know a lot can be said about what had just happened to me recently. I'd died...again, came back to life, saw myself die, fought against an alien god occupying the body of a good friend, and then some other stuff. I can't even begin to fathom how I'm recalling this so casually. I was kinda joking to myself when I mentioned being numbed to all the super-natural hoo-ha that Haruhi brought into my life, but after what I'd experienced, it's a stone cold truth now.

Maybe.

After all, I'm still in the SOS brigade. And Haruhi's happier than ever.

So, things haven't really changed all that much, I thought to myself as I took Koizumi's queen off the chess board. The dim afternoon sun gave everything in the club room a dull orange hue to it, silouhetting the various stolen goods situated about, and basking the people who I considered my friends in a soft light.

Koizumi, smiling to himself despite having lost for the third time in a row, preparing a different board game to lose at.

Asahina-san, humming merrily as she prepared another round of tea, maid outfit impeccable as ever.

Haruhi clacking away loudly on the computer, flashing me a toothy grin briefly before going to back to whatever she was doing.

And Nagato...was reading quietly in the corner of the room, the afternoon glow silently radiating about her like a seraphic aura.

'Whatcha reading?' I ask her, leaning back in my seat.

She raises her head slowly, studying me for a moment, then lifts the book up so I can see the cover.

It's Neil Gaiman's American Gods.

'Any good?' I prompt further. Despite the silence in the room, nobody was really paying attention to our conversation.

Nagato lowers the book back onto her lap.

'Interesting.'

The quiet in the room continues unabated, until Haruhi calls me over to help her with something on the computer.

'Oi, Kyon. Take a look at his. How do I get rid of this stupid border thingy?'

Sure whatever, Koizumi's already lost. Giving another lecture on the basics of web design seemed like more fun anyway.

X

Time passed, and one by one, the members of the SOS brigade made their leave. Asahina-san departed first, cheerily waving goodbye. Koizumi left next, leaving a corny and overly formal goodbye in his wake.

Haruhi left right after, stopping her blitz-like charge out of the room only to give me a friendly tap on the shoulder and a bewitching smile.

Her affection still stunned me, so I couldn't think of any sauve farewell, lest you count staring at her retreating form wordlessly to be charming.

That left only Nagato and I. The second Haruhi had slammed the door on her way out of the clubroom, the very atmosphere of the place seemed to thicken. Was it just me?

To break the awkwardness, I had to say something. So I sat up from my chair from the middle of the room and looked over to Nagato again, who still hadn't budged. Normally, she would stop reading after a set time, which prompted everyone else to call it a day. But today she just kept on going. Was the book that good? Or was there something else?

'So, Nagato-san.' I started, unsure what I actually wanted to say. It made it harder to think of anything when she didn't even look up from the book. '...Are you really, y'know...the Integrated Data Thought Entity now?'

A pause. Longer than the standard one by about two seconds.

'Yes.'

'So does that mean you're not taking orders anymore?'

'Yes.'

'Then, you're really here by your own will, huh?'

'Yes.'

Urgh, those one word answers made it near impossible to stretch a conversation. But I wasn't done yet.

'What happened to you Nagato?' I bluntly ask. 'You said you wanted to feel emotion, be more human.'

She finally looked up from her book, face passive but otherwise unreadable.

'Frankly...' Was I really going to say this? '...I-I really liked that side of you, Nagato.'

At those words, I started to daydream a little. A mini-slideshow of sorts played over in my head, flicking through images of Nagato smiling, thinking hard to herself, yelping in surprise...and crying. Nagato crying.

My eyes began to sting, so nervously, I wiped my face with the sleeve of my jacket, also masking my sob with a cough.

After I felt a little more composed, I opened my heavy eyes.

'But if this is how...'

She was there. Nagato was standing right in front of me, fighting back her own tears defiantly. Her cheeks a rosy shade of pink, tiny hands clenched at her sides.

'...Thank you, Kyon-kun.' Nagato whispered.

What? How? The heck...?

'N-nagato.' I sputtered lamely. She was so close that I could make out the individual strands of hair that masked her pale face. '...You...you were pretending?'

She arced her gaze down to my shoulder for a moment, looking a little ashamed.

'Yeah.' I could barely hear her this time.

'Why?'

Then she gazed at me once more, those golden eyes shimmering.

'I...had to make sure.'

Make sure? Of what? What could you possibly be unable to figure out....ahhh-

Nagato Yuki stood on her tiptoes, craned her neck gracefully, and kissed me on the cheek.

'Just...make sure.' She hushed into my ear.

She then broke away from me, grabbed her school bag, and was almost out the door before looking back at me with a face so full of serenity and joy.

'I can wait, Kyon-kun. No matter how long it takes, I can wait.'

And she was gone.

I was dizzy, everything spun, my whole array of senses were at war with one another trying to answer the question looping infinitely in my mind:

Did that just happen? A lingering fragrance of lavender and new books seemed evidence enough, so much so that I stumbled around a bit and caught myself on the clubroom table.

So what was going to happen now? What did she mean, "I can wait"? No, even I'm not stupid enough to miss that. So what was I going to do?

Haruhi.

Nagato.

What, huh?

Nagato.

Haruhi.

I couldn't. I just couldn't comprehend all this now. A good nights sleep is what I needed now more than ever. Perhaps a poetic sound-off would clear my mind a little? Here goes:

As one journey ends, another begins anew...and...ahhh whatever.

I'm totally screwed.

But I can't stop smiling.

FIN

X

_AN: Thank you everyone so much for all your support. I admit that this story really isn't my best work by far, as I have hard time focusing on a given genre, and always end up all over the place in my narrative. But, hey, it was still fun to write. And for those dedicated enough to read the author's note to this point, I award you with (1) Free Internet Hug! For whenever you might need one. _

_Bye, bye for now!_


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